MMeM, Vol. 6 Issue 3 – Musical instrument discrimination

People don’t like to talk about it much, but discrimination of musical instruments is still alive and well in this country. For millions of us that played in the school band while growing up, musical instrument discrimination was an awful reality.

Myself, I chose, err…was talked into and it was then strongly suggested that I play the trombone. The trombone. Need I say more? The trombone is like in the top 5 of most fail safe birth control methods via musical instrument.

Of course, there were two LUCKY souls; whose paths in life would forever be charmed and lined with gilded fairy dust. These two were assigned the drums and the guitar. The chosen ones. Sure, there may have been a guy who weaselled his way into playing the electric bass, but everyone knew the guitar player ran the show. He was the veritable “Fonz” of the school band. And the drummer? Forgettaboutit. If the attention these 2-3 pubescent high school Casanovas got wasn’t enough, there was always the garage band that they were sure to form sometime around Junior year. See, not a lot of local bands come knocking on your door when you’re rockin’ the trombone.

The woodwinds, the brass, the tympani kettle drum guy who moonlighted on the triangle, all of us were non-hip band people and we knew it. We knew it then and we know it now. In fact, I guarantee that the creators of Rock Band and Guitar Hero played the French Horn and the Oboe respectively in high school. What?  Are you still waiting for Baritone Hero?  Well keep on waiting.

But, we did have one possible savior from our realm of huddled nerd-dom. Tenor Sax. Tenor Sax had potential.   With some extra practice and a pair of wayfarers, Tenor Sax was eligible for local garage band appearances. Not actual membership mind you, but the 1-2 songs a set type special guest guy.

Where’s my proof? I seem to recall Bill Clinton doing PRETTY well.

This is one reason why I laugh and not cry at this latest attempt at musical instrument discrimination. The guitar bullies (MMeM Vol. 4 Issue 9) are back at it again as apparently having their pick of all the girls wasn’t satisfying enough.

This.Must.End.