Category Archives: Business

MMeM, Vol. 14 Issue 1 – Real People, Not Actors

REAL PEOPLE, NOT ACTORS?

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uring my involuntary vacation this past Fall, I watched the Olympics and other programming during the hours, days, weeks, and months of mining for employment. Over and over again, I saw commercials. The same mundane commercials. One set of them was exceedingly ridiculous time and time again. You’ve seen them. Trust me, you have and you still are.

It’s a car company bragging about their customer satisfaction survey results conducted by J.D. Power & Associates. Now, a word about J.D. Power & Associates. Here’s the deal. If you worked for J.D. Power as an environmental engineer, i.e. a Janitor, your resume automatically jumps up among the thousands tearing through auto fed computer scanners. It’s just the way things are. People are lazy, we know this.

Anyway, this car company has decided that they can’t just communicate their results because, well, they take the buyers of their automobiles for, oh I don’t know, “Not bright?” So, they have ad agencies dream up the most ridiculous commercials on Earth evAr. For example, there’s the one where a group of “REAL PEOPLE, NOT ACTORS” are walking around an SUV commenting about it when all of a sudden a door opens up and OH MY GOSH, there are members of their family inside! It’s like a miracle has happened! These REAL PEOPLE, NOT ACTORS are acting like they are seeing long-lost relatives who they thought were dead or something! Who knows, maybe that was the case based on their reactions I guess?

My most hated one is where they have a table set up on a 6 lane interstate in the middle of rush hour. The host of the group is talking to them about traffic and vehicle safety and then reaches under the stupid card table and pulls out a J.D. Power & Associates award! Oh MY GOSH! HOW EXHILARATING while you’re sitting at a table in the middle of a busy interstate like a bunch of dopes. But these REAL PEOPLE, NOT ACTORS act so thrilled and amazed to see this award, at this moment!

Look at this woman’s reaction!

Are you kidding me? Now, had the guy pulled out a leprechaun sitting on a pot of gold, maybe, but a customer satisfaction survey? No, not buying it.

MMeM, Vol.13 Issue 45 – All World Problems

You’re going to end up with both.

I remember reading a story about McDonald’s straws a while ago where fisherman were up in arms about changes to the striping colors on said straws. Apparently, when cut into 1-2″ lengths the slightly thicker, wider plastic straws from McDonald’s were being used to catch Spanish Mackerel with surprising success compared to other lures.

“A CHANGE IN STRAWS LED TO PROBLEMS CATCHING FISH.
In a move that would have unforeseen, mackerel-related consequences, McDonald’s shifted their straw design in 1984 from a red-and-yellow color scheme to brown-and-yellow. The problem? Fishermen along the Gulf of Mexico had successfully used the original version to lure Spanish mackerel: Three lures could be made from a single sipper, and caught five times as many fish as any other lure. The new straws failed to attract any catches; McDonald’s dryly advised the distressed fishermen try Big Macs instead.”

That was a nice little story. This is not. Perhaps you’ve seen people at coffee shops are coming from them with drinks that have straws and they have placed their donut on top of the drink with the straw poking through? Yeah, I guess I’ve seen or heard of that too.

Well, as McDonald’s has continued its successful world domination, in Japan consumers there have combined these two “ideas” with whatever you can call this…

All of this McDonald’s straw craziness seems like 1st World Problems and idle mindlessness in the case of hamburger-strawing.

Then, there is the real world use of Spanish Mackerel fishing. I guess when you have SO MUCH of something, anything, even McDonald’s STRAWS, you’re going to end up with both.

MMeM, Vol.13 Issue 37 – Click, UWNT2

You won’t even believe this!

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ake News. Most of us view this as coming from some nefarious source that isn’t worthy or real. But in fact, I contend that the very reputable news organizations reporting on said “Fake News” are perhaps the biggest part of the problem.

You see it all the time and probably don’t really recognize it as “Fake News”, but rather ridiculous advertising cleverly placed within the sites of very respected news websites. That is, assuming that you can even tell the two apart.

Often times, one can’t decipher where the news stops and the ads begin. That’s not an accident. The news organizations welcome this eye candy. They feel it doesn’t make their sites look “too busy” or “loud” with distracting and cheap appearing advertising from the very revenue streams they court to support their online existence.

THIS, is in essence, FAKE NEWS. If everyone with a stupidphone, a Twitter account, yeah, you know who I’m talking about, or a news site would take a step back and think about things for a minute, they would realize that “FAKE NEWS” is right under their noses. They are all supporting and nurturing this nonsense!

For the past few weeks, I’ve been copying some of the “Clickbait” headlines of these ADS buried within our OLD reputable news sites. It’s some juicy sounding stuff that anyone would be tempted to click-on, but DON’T do it! NO news is going to whisk you away through several trap doors and rabbit holes that end up compelling you to whip out a credit card in the end for something that, “by golly”, you just can’t live without all of a sudden!

What WWE Star Trish Stratus Looks Like Is Nuts

Hurley is Skinny and Looks Like Channing Tatum

Fake foods: you’ll guess what you’re really eating

Best Perfectly Timed Photos Ever Captured

She Had No Idea Why The Crew Was Staring

Selfies Gone Horribly or Hilariously Wrong

Viewers Didn’t Anticipate Seeing That On The News

Pay Off Your House At A Furious Pace If You Owe Less Than $625,500

These Are the 10 Most Vile Things You Can Do on a Plane

No It’s Not Photoshop, Look Closer. Perfect Timing

This Amazing Device Should Be Banned

Troubled News Anchor Does The Unthinkable On Air

Green Drink Turning Seniors Into “Young Bucks”

Viewers Didn’t Anticipate Seeing That On The News

15 Hot Weather Girls Who Love To Show Off Their…

M*A*S*H Actress Gave The Crew More Than Expected

Photos Captured At Walmart

Guy Fieri’s Ex Wife, Um, Just Take A Look

What Owen Wilson Did In The Army Is Unspeakable

These photos of Emma Watson’s doppelgänger will blow your mind

‘Batman’ star Adam West had sex with eight women a night

15 MLB Wives You Need To See [#3 Is Our Favorite!]

Kindergarten Employee Reveals How the Kids Have Changed Since Seeing Wonder Woman

Wardrobe whoopsies: On purpose, or an accident?

‘I Right Swiped All The Guys I Would Normally Left Swipe-Here’s What Happened’

Remember Her? What She Looks Like is Insane

15 Perfectly Timed Images Captured

Everyone Was Confused When Kim Kardashian Wore This

The News Team Weren’t Prepared For That To Happen

Imagine You Flip To The News Channel And See That

In summation, if you fall for these ads disguised as news, or better defined as FAKE NEWS, then you are supporting said fake news, just like the well-respected and award-winning news organizations on whose sites this crap sits.

MMeM, Vol.13 Issue 34 – If U can’t have. U want.

At first glance one is SHOCKED!

Maybe, just maybe, the way society deals with laws and regulations is backwards. I know it sounds crazy at first, when someone proposes something completely against the grain or out of the ordinary. But when nothing else works or after years of failure, maybe a new way will succeed?

What’s that saying, how’s it go? “We’ve always done it this way.” Yeah, I don’t know about any of you, but that phrase is cancer to business and progress, in my humble opinion.

This way of thinking struck me when I saw this story a while back about the slaughter of rhinos all over the world for their horns. You’ve heard about this idiocy. It’s disgusting and ignorance on the grandest of scales. In Asia it’s believed by some that rhino horn can be used “(with no medical backing) ― to cure everything from cancer to impotence.” For years, zoos and wildlife refuges have been forced so chainsaw off horns of rhinos in order to keep poachers from killing them for their horns.

Then NEWSFLASH, South Africa is planning to push legislation to legalize the rhino horn trade. BOOM! At first glance, one is SHOCKED! But, give it a couple of minutes, let it sink in, and you begin to realize that making it legal will cause the illegal demand driving the killing to cease. As the story reports, breeders have stockpiles of rhino horns. They will be able to flood the market. Of course, at first they may make a pretty penny too, but that will dwindle away  as well.

The debate goes back and forth, “Who’s right?” or “Who’s wrong?” One thing is for sure, had the sale of rhino horn never been illegal it would never have become more valuable than gold or cocaine. At any rate, it’s certainly worth a try.

It’s like Mark Twain once said, “The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.”

MMeM, Vol.13 Issue 25 – Limits, Please!

But, there ARE limits. Pease!

Hey, I’m all about humor. I get it. It’s “my bag”. At least, I try to make it my thing. Sure, I’ll be the first to admit it when I swing and miss. And boy, do I miss at times.

However, there is a slight difference between my misses and those of multinational multibillion dollar corporations who given recent negative news reports might want to walk more of a straight and narrow path.

Now, to be fair we all know what Volkswagen was trying to do with their “Birds and the Bees” ad campaign. They were trying to show the value of a family sticking with Volkswagen through all of the stages of a family life-cycle while growing.

The sticking point I have is, did they really need to SHOW the foggy windowed and shaking cars to “drive” that point home?

Yeah, I’m not so sure that was required. Again, I’m a fan of making advertising entertaining. It’s something we all have to suffer through, so why not make it as enjoyable and entertaining as possible?

But, there ARE limits. Please! I’m don’t even think Don Draper could have pitched this one. I have no idea how the ad men got this one past the higher ups at Volkswagen. But then again, they may have been preoccupied. Multiple puns, intended.

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