MMeM, Vol. 14 Issue 20 – Ouch!

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GUINNESS BOOK of WORLD RECORDS

It seems like every time you turn around there’s a Guinness World Record being set and or broken. It’s almost as frequent as “National -FILL-IN-THE-BLANK- Day” which apparently has next to NO governing body from what I can tell. Anyway, some of these Guinness World Records are really neat and others are like, “Wait, that was/is a World Record?”

Look, here’s the deal. I’m not sure if everyone is really familiar with the background of the Official Guinness World Records or not. Apparently, the way it all began can in fact, be traced all the way back to the name itself. Imagine old dusty dingy English pubs with a bunch of inebriated blokes sitting around the bar telling tales and betting one another about different “facts” as they were known. “Who’s the tallest man in the world?” or “What is the biggest manufacturer of guns in the world?” Then the banter would ensue and arguments would battle back and forth between patrons, bartenders, and town “know-it alls”. Eventually, the makers of none other than Guinness, yes THAT Guinness decided to start finding out the OFFICIAL answers to these questions and thus, the Official Guinness World Records was born.

Subsequently, back in grade school when you’d have your parents agree to buy you your very first copy of THE GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS from the every other month book order, they were actually agreeing to purchase you an official Drunkards’ Argument Answer Key. Yeah, it’s like that, exactly.

Anyway, fast forward to 6 days ago when another record was broken, not SET, but BROKEN! Because, other mental giants have set this nonMENSA requirement exercise before, apparently.

Dateline, October 12, 2018, Karachi, Pakistan. Mohammad Rashid Naseem 32, set a new Guinness World Record for….wait for it….breaking walnuts with nothing but HIS FOREHEAD. Oh yes, you HAVE to watch this because his forehead ends up exactly as you’d imagine it would.

MMeM, Vol. 14 Issue 19 – A very, very bad day

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Please stop the INJUSTICE!!!

We’ve all had bad days, really, REALLY bad days. They happen. They are just something that sometimes happen to good people. Whether you refer to Job from the Bible story or more modern examples, bad events happen to all of us. Sure, some of these events are brought on by accidents, poor judgement, or even just bad taste. However they occur, these horrific days are life and a person learns, grows, and if they are anything like me, repeats.

But I digress, to “Gender Reveals”. These are problems, pure and simple. Human beings have been able to find out the gender of their little future bundles of joy long before delivery days for decades. It’s as if culture, with all of its shiny new technology and social media needed more content with which to USE said tech and media. Enter the GENDER REVEAL PARTY! Oh, but of course! Because, friends of the newly dating, engaged, married, pregnant, birth, and parenting couple don’t have enough cause for elaborate get-togethers and gift giving occasions already along life’s merry little skip down yellow brick road! What’s next, pre-school picture days for family and friends to flock to with their own latest digital cameras and phones to use on someone else’s snowflake? UGH and double-UGH.

Of course, once Gender Reveal events got rolling then it became a competition of the elaborate, the sophisticated, and games of mousetrap events to reveal the improbable 50/50 chances of BLUE or PINK! They started innocently enough, there would be a tray of cupcakes and no one knew that ANYTHING was “going on” at a random get together. Then, “Wait, what is this? Why does my vanilla iced cupcake have a pink cake mix middle in it….OH MY GOSH YOU’RE HAVING A GIRL? WHAT ARE THE CHANCES?” Again, they were exactly 50%. AS of the day of birth mind you…but that’s another post, at another date, and probably not.

Fast forward to April 24, 2017, dateline Arizona Highway 83 north of Sonoita. A gentleman who happened to be employed by the U.S. Border Patrol decided to have a gender reveal event for his and his wife’s upcoming baby. In short, this off-duty agent accidentally set fire to more than 47,000 acres which then involved the work of nearly 800 firefighters to put out the wildfire over the course of a week and a cost of around $8.2 million. “The wildfire began when Dickey shot a target that contained Tannerite, an explosive substance designed to detonate when shot by a high-velocity firearm, …Tannerite is a legal compound that has been linked to wildfires in several other Western states. …The explosive target was part of a celebration of his wife’s pregnancy and contained colored powder to show the gender of their baby, blue for a boy or pink for a girl, Dickey’s attorney Sean Chapman told the Arizona Daily Star.”

Look, I really feel bad for this guy because when it comes to OOPS and UH-OH’s I’m the leader in the clubhouse by a mile. But this new father felt terrible about this accident and took full responsibility by reporting it immediately as well as owning up to everything. Of course, he was recently convicted of a misdemeanor, with quite possibly the most expensive penalty for a misdemeanor ever. Specifically, “…he will pay $100,000 in restitution when he is sentenced Oct. 9 and another $120,000 in monthly installments of $500 for the next 20 years. Dickey also will be sentenced to 5 years of probation”.

Dennis Dickey said, “It was a complete accident,” Dickey, 37, told U.S. Magistrate Judge Leslie A. Bowman Friday in court. “I feel absolutely horrible about it. It was probably one of the worst days of my life.” -Oh, I understand, however it may not have been far behind the days he fully recognized the probable future unfortunate implications of surnames. Poor guy. 🙁

“Dickey will borrow from his retirement fund to pay the $100,000 due at sentencing. Ordering Dickey to pay $8.2 million to cover the cost of the fire would have been “like getting blood from a stone” because he could never come up with that much money, Chapman said.”

Finally, through this whole unfortunate story covering articles in October 2018 and back in September as well, at NO TIME did any reporter, news organization, law enforcement official, government worker for the Border Patrol or the Forest Service, or Mr. Dickey’s attorney EVER reveal the gender of Baby Dickey!

Isn’t that the reason we’re all here in the first place? That’s the price that 47,000 acres, the sweat of 800 firefighters, and Dennis’ retirement fund paid. At least tell us the gender of Baby Dickey! Please stop the injustice!!!

MMeM, Vol. 14 Issue 18 – Are you scared yet?

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…it may be too late already.

The robots are coming. We’ve been hearing about them for a few years now and it’s starting to get real. The frightening thing about this whole issue is that once it starts, and begun it has, it accelerates at light speed. Most of us have shrugged off the sci-fi fantasy aspects portrayed in movies such as The Matrix, Oblivion, or Transcendence, but it might be time to straighten up a bit and pay a little more attention. In fact, it may be too late already.

Oh sure, we’ve accepted the fact that autonomous cars and trucks are well on the way. We’re pseudo-accepting that future, sort-of, for now. We’ve blindly welcomed the internet and mobile technology into every single aspect of our lives, from refrigerators, cars, TVs, and sprinkler systems to home security systems, ovens, HVAC, and pet feeding stations. Everyone loves their all-knowing, always listening Amazon Echo Alexas and Google Home hubs too.

I’m being too pessimistic right? Too fearful and worrisome?

OR AM I? No, I don’t think I am. What I am worried about is that while the robots are coming faster than we can comprehend, all I keep hearing about are the pathetic ideas the non scientific world keeps touting. While organizations like Boston Dynamics is coming up with robots that can do Parkour better than I could ever hope to do, what do us mere mortals spend our time imagining we’ll accomplish with robots?

Oh yeah, ROBOT SEX BROTHELS. Ah yes, but of course!

We are so done. If the global warming doesn’t get us first, the robots certainly will.

Power down. I’ll get the lights as we slip into complete darkness for all eternity.

MMeM, Vol. 14 Issue 17 – Do Not Call Registry

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“Hello?” wait for a human

Do you remember the nationwide Do Not Call Registry? That was such a landmark BIG DEAL! It was supposed to stop all of the telemarketing calls for good. It was implemented in 2003. You signed up your phone numbers and BOOM! No more unwanted bothersome calls. Wah-LAH! However, as soon as it was implemented it began to show cracks in its supposed rigidity.

First of all, as I remember it, you would still get sales calls from companies with which you were a customer. Sure, that made sense. But, the super fine print, and never mentioned beforehand clause, was that said companies could also share you with their “friends” if they were “business-partners”. That was the first crotch kick in the suddenly less than Holy Do Not Call Registry. By 2017 there were more than 230 million phone numbers signed up on it to block unwanted phone calls. The FTC, who implemented and manages the NDNCR, receives 19,000 complaints A DAY from list members about getting unwanted solicitation calls.

Fast Forward to 2018. That National Do Not Call Registry is a worthless piece of CRAP. Today everyone is subjected to more bot-robo-nonHuman-computer-answer-“Hello?”-wait for a human to pick up the call AFTER YOU ANSWER than EVAR!!!!

Back to that landmark house bill that implemented the NDNCR in the first place. “The House bill to create it passed 412 to 8. Only Ron Paul, Jeff Flake and a handful of other shrink-the-state types dissented.” Just curious, do any of those mentioned among the dissenters sound familiar? Hmm?

See the technology of VoIP and computers making thousands of calls in the hopes that thousands or even hundreds will be duped into picking up or even calling back about some bogus scary message is just too effective. The FTC even offered $50,000 to anyone who could come up with a way to block robocalls back in 2012, more than once. It’s just an unstoppable mess. To be fair, 412 representatives’ hearts and minds were in the right place at the time back in 2003. However the government is just getting lapped by the cyber criminals, again.

MMeM, Vol. 14 Issue 16 – We HEAR you! :)

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It’s NOT sound proof NOT EVEN CLOSE

Technology is fun. Today, it seems everyone enjoys making and taking phone calls in their cars and really, why wouldn’t they? Either you have cars equipped with Bluetooth connectivity or you’ve linked it to your stereo yourself. It’s very convenient and so LUXURIOUS. Hey, this is really a “good” thing in that it’s completely HANDS-FREE and it is the law.

You find yourself feeling like a bit a “high-roller” having next to meaningless conversations with friends and family to keep yourself entertained during mundane trips and tasks. The audio which you’re used to having come through your tiny hand-held phone pressed to the side of your sweaty or makeup matted face is now pumped through your car’s Hi Fi quadraphonic blaupunkt speakers.

Queue the record scratch here.

See, here’s the deal. While you’re at a stop light, looking for that parking space, or toiling at a snail’s pace through downtown, your entire conversation is being heard by EVERYONE around you. Oh sure, you roll up your windows when you’re having a “private conversation” as the topic turns a bit “randy”, but think again because, you’re not! This conversation is as public as it was before you went all submarine hunter-killer quiet with your rolled up windows.

Ok, you know when you are walking on a sidewalk or driving through town with your windows down and you hear that car with the loud music? Well, just remember you hear that because car speakers are placed where the only thing between them and the outside is a thin layer of sheet metal. Subsequently, your luxurious high-toned conversation with your phone buddy is being heard by everyone in the cars next to you and whomever may be walking or standing near you. It’s NOT sound proof, NOT. EVEN. CLOSE.

Just passing this along as many people don’t realize the complete sound-proof privacy they think they are having is in fact, FAR FROM IT. Or, so I’VE HEARD!

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