Category Archives: Life of Dad

MMeM, Vol. 14 Issue 4 – Clockwise

…prepare for blank stares.

Millennials, they are punch lines for us olds these days aren’t they? We just can’t understand how things we take for granted are so foreign to them. On the other hand, they feel the same way about us for many of the new technology some of us struggle with today. Look, getting old is hard. It’s a constant series of gut-checking adjustments and reminders that nostalgia and history are dead or dying. As olds, we just have to learn to LET IT ALL GO. It’s gone, it’s over. Whatever was, isn’t anymore.

Still, some of the things from the past are so hard to accept as extinct. Take analog clocks for example. Not only did we all grow up staring at analog clocks in schools for 18 years, longing for the hour of 3pm and later, but we had wrist watches, and our grandparents had coo-coo clocks with birds that would pop out when the two hands did things! We learned how to tell time with analog clocks and say things like, “It’s ten past three” or “It’s twenty to eleven”. There was “a quarter after one” and “half past nine”, it was all so grown up!

Well, there is talk of schools in the UK and some states in the U.S. DOING AWAY WITH ANALOG CLOCKS because “students are struggling to read them“. Ugh. Really?

So, just think of all the things you do in life where you say to someone, “Turn it counter-clockwise”. Yeah, prepare for blank stares. Sorry, prepare for MORE blank stares.

The very near future:

MMeM, Vol.13 Issue 33 – The CLAW

How, was it never my little brother?

Now I know, everyone has gone through spells where they can’t pass up wasting coins on “THE CLAW” machine. You know, you’re probably at a restaurant waiting for a table or you’re shopping with your mom for school clothes, for college, whatever. Anyway, these rip-off robots are too enticing. Oh, and put one in a bar? Forgetta-bout-it!

If you’re anything like me, my friends, or siblings you’ve even gone so far as to judge and grade machines on the level of compacted-ness of the pieces of crap in them. How well did the vendor pack the “plush” stuffed toys down into the cube thus making them nearly impossible to pull up with the equally worthless piece of crap “claw-crane”? Sometimes you’ll spot a few outliers that other suckers came close to retrieving but failed, in so doing leaving them in prime pick-up positions.

Then again, even supposed grown-ups such as ourselves would gaze into these third-rate torture devices and dream about having our way with the little plexiglass fortress. No? Well, we weren’t the only ones. Seems this poor little 3 year old boy, Jamie, found himself in this crane toy machine and his 5 year old brother, Shane, was there to witness it. My thanks to the father for posting the pics and video for me to live out my little childhood dream.

The surprising thing to me about this story is, “How, was it never my little brother?”

MMeM, Vol.13 Issue 32 – Worst method EVER!

keep me shying away from scales.

Ok, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the best grocery shopper in the world. Much of this shortcoming is my own fault and the result of poor planning and failure to make lists, think ahead, shop when I’m not hungry, etc. However, this isn’t all my fault. For example, why do grocery stores insist on selling items “by the pound?”

Who are they, high level drug dealers? You cannot tell me when you are standing at a meat counter or the deli counter that you know what a pound of pork sausage will end up looking like or a pound of macaroni salad. What’s more, they know this. They know that you (ME) are a moron. They do this because it’s exact, for them.

It all snowballs into the healthier eating paradox of shopping, preparing, cooking, and attempting to eat better. Well, if this “by the pound” method of selling food is so hotty toddy why don’t restaurants and fast food places do it to try to seem more established and respectable like their grocery store counterparts? “Yeah, I’ll take a pound of french fries and a 1/3 pounder thickburger…” Oh, ok I stand corrected, kind of…EXCUSE ME!

This story got me thinking about this topic the other day. A guy tried to buy a small container of mashed potatoes from Whole Foods for lunch one day and when he got to the check-out his side of mashed potatoes came to, wait for it…. $14! It wasn’t his fault. Who can carry weight-to-size measurements in their heads for the plethora of items in a grocery store? No one, at least most males that I’ve ever known anyway.

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me and this guy at Whole Foods, but my fear of accidentally mis-purchasing by price-to-amount-measurements-volume-calculation will always keep me shying away from scales.

MMeM, Vol.13 Issue 7 – Scared?

…they are scared of them…

Going to the hospital is never a pleasant experience for anyone. But, in life often times, family and societal obligations necessitate that people need to do just that. Of course, children are brought out of both necessity and for a sense of a teaching moment to be sure. Probably the first bit of information given to a complaining child about going to a hospital to visit a relative is the standard, “Well, just be glad it’s not you that’s stuck in the hospital sick with no one to visit you!” Or maybe, “Well, one day you might find yourself sick in a hospital and you’ll be so happy and relived if someone comes to visit you.”

Yes, these are life moments that we all go through at some point. Moreover, hospitals certainly have it tough. First you have an institution charged with healing people, caring for them, welcoming visitors, and handling the delicate balancing act of trying to bill and pay for everything at the same time.

Given all of this, I wonder why people come away with such a bad impression of hospitals in general. It’s almost like they are scared of them or something. After it’s all explained by a parent, why would a child ever find a hospital scary?

MMeM, Vol.13 Issue 3 – Bout’ right

…what is with 1 shoe ?

I don’t know how this happened, but apparently my daughter is now 20 years old. While the age changes year after year, the child still remains the same to remind me that yes, it’s definitely still her. Just a couple of weeks ago she went to Florida for a couple of days with her freshman year college roommate. They met up with grandma who was vacationing there at the same time with one of HER college roommates as well!

She had worked over Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks to make this trip possible and I was thankful that she was able to do this with the college friend she met on orientation weekend 2 years ago. When she was back and packing to drive back to school it was the usual flurry of chaos with suitcases, backpacks, bags, sacks, and duffel bags that felt like she was hauling bricks. Amidst all of the usual daughter chaos were the usual carry-in items that didn’t make it into any bags or brick-haulers. Among this hodgepodge of nicknacks was 1 shoe. Sure, I asked, “How, where, what is with 1 shoe?” I was given the typical annoyed, “Dad, I’ll find the other one.”

After she left, I was in the garage when 10 minutes later the garage door opened up and the daughter comes running past me. “What’d you forget?” “Nothing, I have to go to the bathroom.” I always said that whether it was softball, basketball, or whatever the sport if there were anyway to put bathroom urgency into a sport, well she’d have been State Bound every year!

Later, I was relaying this mad scramble to grandma, the bathroom charge, the 1 shoe, etc. She replied, “That’s nothing, when I took her to the airport and she had to take off shoes for the TSA she only had a sock on 1 foot.”

Of course. Of course she did.

20 or not, that’s my daughter. Fo’ Sho’.

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