Announcing the motion to get rid of the U.S. 5 cent piece, otherwise known as, the nickel.
The nickel. Are you kidding me? This stupid thing is bigger than a dime yet is worth less than a dime.
It’s the fattest of all the U.S. coinage so it can’t be used as screwdriver when you’re in a pinch.
It has NO ridges on it.
Perhaps most perplexing is that it costs $0.0953 to make one and yet a nickel has $0.06013 in metal content. How stupid is that? It costs more to make than it is actually worth, but we then use it for even less than it’s even worth. Wait, what? I’m getting dizzy and feeling light-headed.
Is this even real currency? Nickels are the auburn cranial plateau juveniles (policitally correct phrase, 5 bonus pts for translation) of the currency world.
When a vending machine gives me 5 nickels instead of a quarter for change, I think it should be legal for me to pummel said machine.
A nickel? Please, I would rather have 5 pennies than a nickel in my hand. That way, I could rid myself of their worthlessness by dropping them in the “need-a-penny, take-a-penny” bowl at the cash register! (Anyone who drops silver into the “need-a-penny, take-a-penny” bowl looks extremely pretentious.)
Getting rid of the nickel would have some negative implications. For example, the expression “getting nickel and dimed to death”. Or, referring to Interstate 55 as “the double-nickel”. Don’t forget, “if I had a nickel for every time that happens, I’d be a millionaire”. The football defensive player position called the “nickel-back”. The buffalo nickel. And, the band Nickelback’s name wouldn’t make as much sense anymore. (for explanation click here).
Sure, there would be problems as a result of the nickel’s banishment, but expressions always outlive the inspirations behind them. I give you, “putting the cart before the horse”.
Ok, with gas prices today, this one may one day be back in vogue, but you get my drift…
