Monthly Archives: June 2016

MMeM, Vol.12 Issue 24 – I don’t see it

…then draw what YOU see.

I‘m sure it’s just me, but for the most part, I have never “gotten” constellations. To be clear, I can find the Big Dipper up in the stars, but that just about completes my list. I’m pretty sure that I did at some point find the Little Dipper, but I don’t think I could ever find it again. Point is, I find all of the constellation crap just that, crap.

The drawings and paintings that have been made over the centuries of the supposed constellations that people claim they see are really impressive. But, to me, they are about as believable as when someone points to a stupid cloud and says it looks like a lion or something. No. It doesn’t, it looks like a cloud. Constellations are even worse because you are supposed to draw imaginary lines, sides, and mass using some of the millions of stars that you may or may not see that someone else may or may not see who is standing right next to you.

It’s an unverifiable lose-lose situation that is a complete #FAIL in my humble opinion. I only bring this up because the other day, there was this painting of the constellation “Draco” on Wikipedia as the featured picture of the day. What a complete load of crap. I defy anyone to look at that jumble of stars and see what that painting shows. Impossible. Or, let me re-phrase that, look at that same patch of night sky and then draw what YOU see.

Does it in ANY way resemble this?

Sidney_Hall_-_Urania's_Mirror_-_Draco_and_Ursa_Minor

Let me answer that for you.

NO.

Alright, to be fair, maybe this artist’s rendering was too complex as they also chose to highlight the other well-known constellation of Ursa Minor. So, take a look at Draco by itself in the night sky, I’m sure it will be much more apparent.

big

What’s wrong? Nothing? Drawing a blank?

How about this?

draco02

Oh, well sure, NOW it’s clear as NOT!

What a bunch of #$%@##%^!

MMeM, Vol.12 Issue 23 – I’m difficult

Oh sure I’m DIFFI-CULT.

Yes, I know, SHARE THE ROAD, but sometimes, it gets tricky, case in point here is bike lanes. This is a 4 lane road that used to be a 2 lane road. Years ago it was widened, and then after that, bike lanes were added. That all seemed copacetic I’m sure. However, in a state without a budget in going on a year now, road work is, well, lacking to say the least.

Here’s my dilemma. When driving in the right hand lane, because I’m not going to be making a left hand turn and I’m not passing people, I’m next to the bike lane. No worries right? WRONG.

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See, when the road was widened, the driver’s side wheels end up in the new ruts naturally created from the old edge of the road. What’s the big deal you say? Well, it’s rattle-trap hell as you drive so you’re left with the choice of straddling the left lane and right OR straddling half of the right lane and the bike lane. Obviously, the latter is the worst option of the two and the decision I usually make is to use the left lane even when I’m not the fastest vehicle and have no reason to turn left.

Then, I have to pay close attention to all of the vehicles stopped WAITING to turn left. Oh sure, I’M DIFFICULT.

But then, the other day something began to happen. It was like Kramer was out with a barrel of turpentine creating WIDE LANES! It was so SMOOTH and LUXURIOUS! Wow, someone ELSE had noticed the crappiness of this road too!

MMeMv12i23c  MMeMv12i23d

It wasn’t JUST ME!

God I love the smell of asphalt in the morning!

MMeM, Vol.12 Issue 22 – What IS that?

…50 Shades of CONfusion…

So for a couple of months at work, there has been this “contraption” hanging on the wall of one line of cubicles on my floor. I walk past it ever time I head to the bathroom or the elevators and every time I glance over at it and wonder. I wonder, “What in the world is that thing? Is it some sort of tablet holder, charger, coat or hat rack, or just what is it?”

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The other day, a few of the girls in the cubicles next to this wall were standing and talking to each other as I ambled by so I stopped. I said, “I’m sorry, but can someone tell me wheat in the world is that thing hanging there on the wall of your aisle?” One of them chirped up and explained it was an under desk foot cycle. I said, “I see! So, you just store it there when it’s not in use right?” She laughed and said, “Exactly!”

I then said, because I have no mental or verbal filter, “Well a few of us over in my row have been wondering what that is for months. I kind of thought it looked like a movie novelty souvenir from “50 Shades of Grey”, but that was just my guess.” Thankfully, they all roared with laughter.

Later in the day, a lady who hadn’t been there at the time came over to my office and commented to me about how hilarious my guesss had been and gave me a high five.

Yes! Hey, if my 50 Shades of Confusion leads to a laugh, I’ll take it.

MMeM, Vol.12 Issue 21 – Xtastic

it hasn’t been real fun.

A little more than a month ago, I got a new cell phone on my birthday. And wow, how the story does not just end there. First, after having poked fun at co-workers and friends for having GIANT phones themselves, I opted for the iPhone 6 PLUS. I hadn’t even left the AT&T store before plotting how I would apologize to co-workers for asking if they were talking on their tablets up to their ears. Anyway, we got talked into switching home phone, internet, and television to AT&T/Direct TV as well in order to get our 5 iPhones unlimited data as only 2 of us had the old grandfathered and crappy unlimited versions.

Not everyone in this house handles change well, at all. So, Direct TV has been, a bit, of an adjustment. The installation alone took about 5 1/2 hours as a 2nd technician had to be called in to negotiate the years of co-axial cable labyrinth hell that non-techies had unleashed in the basement, crawl-spaces, and attic of my house. Finally, the day came to start our Direct TV experience. It was a perfect night for TV watching as there was a nasty thunderstorm. So, yeah you know how that went. Immediately, I had dissatisfied customers/family members in my midst.

Anyway, the day arrived when it was time to return the 2 DVRs and 3 digital converter boxes with all remote controls to Comcast. I make special mention of remote controls because as I have mentioned in the past, our Golden Retriever has been quite fond of eating these. Comcast was very helpful in giving us replacement remotes for a while, but even they had limits after a while and finally started charging $25 when they saw me walking in the door.

I was nervous about taking back all of this equipment. This location was the same place where I had two interviews with Comcast 9 years ago. The 2nd interview was in a board room with about 7 upper management types. It went well. I never heard a word from them. Obviously, apparently, I didn’t get the job. Then, about 3 years ago I made a routine monthly payment using my bank’s online payment system. Somehow, Comcast got my customer account number transposed with another customer and credited that customer’s account instead of mine. Long story longer, they put a block on my account to disallow me from using online payment for more than a year and a half! It was THEIR FAULT! I drove to this place on 3 occasions per their requirements to be in person, when I was ON CRUTCHES, 3 different workers told me they were fixing it. They never did.

Before going in on a day off I checked the hours of operation of this location the night before online. It said 8:30am-5:30pm.

 

But, when I get there before the hours of operation as posted online for the location, I see this on the door.

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After a few minutes of waiting and doubting my memory, I checked my phone to see if I just mis-remembered the hours of operation for this operation.

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Nope, I was right.

 

 

Finally, I get inside and tell the worker I have to disconnect my service. I answer the requisite questions about why and leave out all of the above except the part about the difference in hours on the website and the….. he cuts me off and proudly says, “Yeah, we are now 9-5:30 Monday through Friday.” I answer him with, “Yeah, I saw that ON THE DOOR AFTER GETTING HERE AT THE TIME ON YOUR WEBSITE.”

He doesn’t apologize and says, “Ok, you should be seeing a $25 check in the mail now as your account is paid in full and you have that much in credit based on closing it today.” I thank him and leave.

I then get this in the mail a week and 1/2 later.

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So, I went back to the same location and talked to the same worker. Of course this time, I knew what time to get there. He explained this NON-BILL, apparently, and told me that I should expect a $35 check in the mail. Not. Holding. My. Breath.

Look, Comcast I actually liked your service, I really did. I liked the WiFi you provided around our town. For the record, your internet service was faster than AT&T’s. I used to sell DSL for Verizon and my honest rebuttal now for cable modem vs. DSL/ADSL is that cable is generally faster because it’s just a really big fat wire. Simple really. The final reason for my switch was actually, surprisingly, not your fault at all.

However, all in all, it’s been fun, it’s been real, but it hasn’t been real fun.

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