Monthly Archives: November 2016

MMeM, Vol.12 Issue 44 – GBC

Again, … wait for it.

So, I was curious today about where the search rankings were today for our good old friend, Green Bean Casserole. I hadn’t checked in on this in years after being blown away with the search results years ago for something that is so simple and printed on the back of just about every ingredient package for said Thanksgiving side dish.

Subsequently, I went to our trusty search engine of Google to see what today’s Top 10 search terms were. And without further adieu, I give you the Google Top Ten as of November 24, 2016:

  1. Thanksgiving 2016 – total generic give up search that is going to return a TON of junk. What are people looking to accomplish with this?
  2. Happy Thanksgiving – What? Are you kidding me? Are you telling Google, “Happy Thanksgiving my favorite algorithm run search machine?”
  3. Betsy DeVos – President Elect Trump pick for Education Secretary. BORING
  4. Nikki Haley – President Elect Trump pick for U.N. Ambassador, again, BORING
  5. Walmart Black Friday Ad 2016 – Good thing they are specific on the YEAR
  6. Sweet Potato Casserole – Uh huh, now we’re talking
  7. Pecan Pie Recipe – I’m listening, err, reading
  8. wait for it….Green Bean Casserole – TA-DAH!!!! It never fails! UNREAL!!!!! Yes, we may colonize Mars but the recipe for Green Bean Casserole will continue to be a mystery to so many!
  9. Pumpkin Pie – Who are these people?
  10. Cranberry Sauce – I am almost, ALMOST, typeless. Because, I’m pretty sure that cranberry sauce in a can isn’t sold in the U.S. without directions for use as a sauce printed on it. It may be a law in fact.

Well, there you have it, once again the 8’s have it with Green Bean Casserole holding strong!

MMeM, Vol.12 Issue 43 – Turkey Day

…but, any way you SLICE it…

Let me be perfectly clear, I abhor the saying of “Turkey Day” in lieu of “Thanksgiving”. “Have a great Turkey Day” or “Happy Turkey Day!” some idiot will shout out to you in passing this week. What I would like to say over my my failed smile is, “Have a nice glass of SHUT-UP!” I don’t know why this annoys me so much, and I know it’s my problem as are so many other issues I deal with these days, but I own it. Step 1, done.

However, while I’m on the stupidly, lazily referred to Holiday of “Turkey Day”, there’s something else about this holiday that crossed my mind the other day. As everyone knows all to well, the divorce rate in the United States constantly hovers around 50% or so. It’s debated by many as to what the true number actually is due to several factors. DivorceStatistics.org gives some further detail that sheds light on the reason why this rate is contested, and why, in theory everyone just throws up their hands settles on the issue by saying 50% of all marriages end in divorce:

  • The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%
  • The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%
  • The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%

Anyway, all of these divorces usually at some point, be it the 1st, the 2nd, or even the 3rd failed marriage are going to involve children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Now, they don’t all create said children, but they do have to account for them and vice versa. So, in all of today’s problems, with climate change, terrorism, Black & Blue Lives Matter, crime, elections, economies, wars, veterans, diseases, the environment, trying to figure out a way to colonize Mars, what about Turkeys?

See, no one has ever mentioned the ongoing war with the Turkey. With all of the decades of marriage failure, Turkeys have really been the ones taking it on the beak so to speak. I mean, how many “Turkey Day” dinners do YOU go to? How many are you expected to go to? There are MULTIPLE huge Thanksgiving smorgasboards going on per fragmented family unit all across this country every year. That’s a hell of a lot of turkeys!

Oh sure, there are the occasional weird families that opt for ham or goose, but any way you SLICE it, some animal is getting gutted and eaten because another marriage failed.

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MMeM, Vol.12 Issue 42 – The 8’s have it.

Lefty’s CUBS won the WORLD SERIES!

Well, to say it has been a heck of a week or so would be one heck of an understatement. First, Grandpa Lefty would have been ecstatic as his Cubs actually WON the 2016 World Series! Most of us Cubs fans are still all in shock. I mean, being down 3 games to 1 at one point in the series and then going back to Cleveland for the final two games….WERE THEY KIDDING? You couldn’t script it any be…wait, then in Game 7 there was a late inning game tied RAIN DELAY!

WHAT? The Cubs actually won it in extra innings! Never, in my wildest dreams could I have ever imagined anything like that. So many people have asked me what were you thinking? How were you feeling at that moment? The honest answer is, I really wasn’t all that shaken. Truth is, after so many years of losing and living by phrases such as “Wait ’til Next Year”, how could anything so horrific such as that even phase a Cubs fan? Heck, I have had WTL NX YR on my license plate!

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So, yeah, took down this display from my cubicle at work. Won’t be needing that anymore thank you very much!

But, for some reason this time the lowly Cubs broke through and actually WON! I’m still type-less for the most part. I’ve done a lot of thinking, obviously since this occurred last week, and I keep coming back to a number. People always grow up having a favorite or “lucky” number. Isn’t it funny how we all do this? Well for me, for some reason I landed on the #8 long ago. I have no rhyme or reason for this, but it’s always been that way.

Allow me to take a bit of a side note on “Lucky/Favorite” numbers. Why are they always pretty much 1-10? Oh sure, there are the sports influenced favorite numbers which then allow numbers 1-99, but that’s pretty much it. The thing is, there are an infinite amount of numbers. We humans get hung up on the first TEN of them. Here’s a fun thing to try. The next time someone requests your lucky or favorite number, reply 19,536 with a straight face. It’s a real show stopper.

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The bar in The Drake Hotel where my sister and I watched Game 5 while my MOM was at the game in Wrigley!

Anyway, back to the #8. It made some appearances this World Series. I’d love to take credit, but baseball isn’t yet handing out Most Valuable Lucky Fan Numbers just yet. But, maybe….

  • The fact that for decades we heard about the last Cubs World Series being in 1908
  • The Cubs hadn’t won a World Series in 108 years
  • After a rain delayed 9th inning, the Cubs won 8-7 in the 10th inning of Game 7
  • Game 7 took 4 hours and 28 minutes in total to complete
  • I was in fact born at 10:08 am per my birth certificate and my mom MAY remember something about that
  • A major league baseball has exactly 108 stitches in the trademark red stitching figure-eighting its way around the ball

Ok, sure, many of those “8”‘s are a stretch, but quite a few of them are PRE-TTY strong. Either way, MY Cubs, Lefty’s Cubs, JUST WON THE WORLD SERIES, so we’re allowed a little leeway, at least for the duration of this month.

Grandpa, I still owe you that cigar and we’re no longer waiting till next year anymore BY GOLLY!

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