Monthly Archives: May 2015

MMeM, Vol.11 Issue 21 – JUST maybe

Look, I get it .

Oh, I’m sure that I am being too short-sighted on this small practice, but it’s annoying. It’s the NBA conference semi-finals and my local TV station finds it absolutely necessary to cover up, oh I don’t know, THE SCORE, with their way too large and highly uninformative weather non-information graphics.

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The map which I believe is to show radar of unseen and unknown thunderstorms is HUGE. That is a 55″ TV screen and the blank, less than helpful weather map, is HUGE. Now, had it been showing anything, at all, maybe I’d feel differently. No, I wouldn’t, but some may have.

Maybe, JUST maybe, someone at the local TV station could watch what their actions actually do to the programming they are sending. Was there no one in the channel that watched what their fancy weather graphics appear like on the screen for certain programming? Yes, I want people to be informed of possibly coming thunderstorms, but honestly, let’s lose the blank map with the outlines of county borders. We, the unwashed masses, most likely don’t know the shape of the county we’re in anyway. I’m sorry, but it’s true.

Look, I get it. I know that local weather is the last bastion of the local television station. IF it’s not being teased from the moment the local nightly news program begins, then it’s put in your face on top of programming that may or may not be of some slight importance to some paying customers in the network’s viewing area. Whew! That’s a sentence and a half.

MMeM, Vol.11 Issue 20 – Everything AND the kitchen sink

Think about it, you’ll get it.

We had a garage sale the other day and let’s just say we had to get rid of a lotta stuff. Short story, Hoarders: Buried Alive ain’t got nothin’ on this!

Have you ever heard the expression, “…everything but the kitchen sink!” Yeah, me too, trouble is we got that covered too. TWICE.

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Next, we were offering a variety of destroyed dog kennels thanks to failed pit bull rescuee, one “Vickie”. Yeah, that was my pet name for that little destructor.

Think about it, you’ll get it.

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MMeM, Vol.11 Issue 19 – Amizon? I’m sure it is.

Just what I can always use!

I hate to appear as though I’m complaining in anyway about gifts received for my recent birthday, because I’m definitely not. Call it being a jerk, or a dumb male, or something else, I really don’t care anymore. I just sum it up like this after decades of #FAIL trying to translate this kind of behavior on my part to others. Heck, there’s even a .GIF on my website to the right explaining it.

If I don’t like you, I don’t make fun of you. I guess in all of my years the one simple truth I have learned is that men don’t really take for or express themselves the same ways that women do. It’s different over here. Right or pathetically wrong, it is what it is and that’s another phrase I can’t stand. But I digress.

My sister, a very well educated and professional designer on the web and for commercial restaurants and the like, sent me some gifts for my birthday. In addition to being very profficient at ther job she also herds cats, namely my 2 1/2 and 1 year old nieces Makena and Skylar. So, suffice to say, she’s got a lot of stuff going on as I can attest to the last time she attempted to communicate with me via telephone. It sounded like Kindergarten Cop meets One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. Oh, I forgot to mention her 12 year old shihtzu, Chauncey. Yeah, more on him later.

Anyway, I got two packages via Amazon the other day. One was a book about fantasy football methods and the other was a Cubs sign in the motiff of the centerfield scoreboard. Two excellent gifts fow which I was very appreciative.

During the previously aforementioned failed phone call, I thought I heard my sister echoing something about the gifts coming without notes saying who they were from, but that there would also be a card separately. No big deal obviously. At least that was what I was able to gather from her contact before she was overtaken by her charges and finally the phone went dead.

So, the card. Here was the card explaining it all.

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Yes, a very appropriate card for me, certainly. It was also VERY loud and the monkey’s mouth moves. Again, it kind of reminded me of her call. But, wait a second,…could it be, might it be, yes…is it….YES!

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It is! Just what I can always use even more than the real gifts! More material! Use your words Jen, use your words! You can do it.

My sister misspelled Amazon! YES!

MMeM, Vol.11 Issue 18 – No more NO-NO’s

…childish term such as “NO -NO.”

Well, to pick a sporting topic NOT big today, there’s something I wanted to get off my chest about baseball. Look, don’t know when this happened or exactly how the saying caught on but I cannot STAND announcers and media people reporting on a pitcher’s no-hitter by referring to it as a “No-No”.

My guess is that I’m alone with this bit of aggravation but it annoys me to no end. IF one were going to reduce a major league player’s incredible accomplishment in a game with such a ridiculous childish term such as “No-No” I guess I could understand it more for a perfect game. Then the double “No” makes more sense to me, whereas the pitcher has prevented the entire opposition’s lineup from getting a hit – 1 “NO” and then hasn’t even allowed a walk or an error, thus the 2nd “NO”.

From my perspective, all these sports anchors and soundbite grabbers are just promoting a feminine grooming product. I give you the true “NoNo”. Well, “NoNoPro”, we are talking about Major League Baseball, the professionals:

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Just this week on May 1st it was mentioned that it was the 25th anniversary of Nolan Ryan throwing his 7th No-Hitter. The article on ESPN used language to describe Nolan Ryan such as “the blue-collar, lunch-pail-carrying, 9-to-5 player he was, Ryan pulled on his boots and jeans…” Nolan was quoted about how sore and tired he was during the warm-ups for the game and the writer described his comments as “drawls”. He did that at the age of 44. In what universe, would it have ever been appropriate to refer to that feat as the Ryan Express hurls his 7th “No-No” like “Oh no you di’int!” in a childish voice? None.

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So from now on when some announcer trying to sound hip and cool refers to the latest thrown NO-HITTER by calling it a “No-No”, just think of this beautiful feminine product used by thousands to rid themselves of unwanted body and facial hair. Which, by the way, is probably more body hair than any announcer using the words “No-No” has anyway.

But as usual, maybe that’s just me.

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