MMeM, Vol.11 Issue 34 – STOP! Sorry.

…but I’ve just about had enough…

I don’t know about you, but I’ve just about had enough of the toenail fungus medicine commercials on TV. I mean it’s hard enough to listen to John McEnroe sometimes but that voice over animated cartoon fungus infected toenails? And, they’re playing tennis or football while wearing little toenail helmets. Really?

Yeah I’m talking to you Jublia.

Toenail fungus commercial was the least sexy ad ... ever.clipular

Oh, and let’s not forget Lamisil with its nasty little green demon opening up a toenail to jump under it! Gross Out America!

Lamisil - It's Alive (2003, USA) - YouTube.clipular

I know like we all do that commercials pay the bills for free TV …….wait, what? That WAS the mantra years ago, but TV isn’t free anymore for most of us who don’t want to be stuck in 1984 with 3 crappy channels. What if there were these HUGE television monopolies, err providers, out there who could fork over some of their hand-over-fist billions in revenue to the networks so we can just be done with this nonsense?

Yeah, that’s a pipe dream. But, media conglomerates have gotten pretty sneaky with the ability, or lack thereof, to use DVRs to fast forward through commercials. And for God’s sake, watching a program ON DEMAND is like attending a time share presentation from which there is no escape.

UGH. But, the ingenuity of the average American Joe TV user will bring about more techniques and habits to combat this, this fungus of commercials. Heck, with DVRs today, most people consider themselves CFFNs (Commercial Fast-Forwarding Ninjas). Yeah, you know you do that. You have all of the shows you want to watch set to a series recording and then you come home and purposely take your damn time getting to the business of watching any of them. Sure, you mosied into the family room at 8:17pm, Modern Family is already rolling, but you don’t care. In fact, you take great pleasure knowing that those big bad cable/satellite/fiber companies have already LOST this battle as you will view NO commercials.

Now, navigating the fast-forwarding through commercials activity and nailing the post on the show’s reboot is another matter. You’re focused on the screen watching, watching, waiting until you see the rating box in the upper left hand corner. Oh no! You’ve cracked under the pressure. “STOP”, someone else in the room yells. “GO BACK”, follows immediately. “Sorry”, is your reply as you strain to recover said operation.

Have you noticed that any and all forms of common courtesy are completely abandoned when the use of FF and Rewind is poor? Then there’s the Grand Daddy of all remote control errors…..the accidental deletion of a recording! I have begged for more forgiveness over this accident than anything.

What’s more, the abandoning of all courtesy due to remote-control-recording-navigational errors is completely acceptable and proper. Judith Martin aka “Miss Manners” probably nods in approval.

MMeM, Vol.11 Issue 7 – YIKES!

…scares the bejesus out of me.

Look, no one appreciates a woman’s beautiful face more than I do. So, suffice to say that I appreciate all of the work the females in our culture put into keeping their beauty at its best. I get it, and I appreciate it. But, there is nothing wrong with aging gracefully either. In fact, that can be an even more impressive expression of beauty, IMHO (In My Humble Opinion).

Anyway, I, like many men am among the most unqualified to ever speak on such topics. However, there are some examples of beauty seeking that even I have to raise my hand, clear my throat, and say, “Holy #@%$# excuse me, what is going on here?”

Jason?

Michael Myers, maybe?

So, I saw this commercial the other day where women, and I suppose some men, could wear these welder’s masks with lights inside them that send intense lights into the facial skin to remove wrinkles. Ok, but the deal was that they were to wear these arc welder masks for like hours at home. The product was made by illuMask and no, I can’t yet decide on what “Mask-iRobot-FridayThe13th” themed analogy to run with on this contraption.

Apparently, there are all kinds of these illumination masks now hitting the market promising all kinds of acne improvement, wrinkle fixes, and skin tone-color balancing. Maybe they do what they claim, but at what cost? Check out some of this stuff>

Ok, this I can tolerate. It's like an inverted tanning bed.

Ok, this I can tolerate. It’s like an inverted tanning bed.

 

images download images (1)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Look, I get scared half to death by the women in my house all the time. Take my daughter for example. She’s just like me in that for whatever reason she has this ability to walk like a cat burglar. I can’t tell you how many times I’ll be in the refrigerator, close the door and BOOM! There she is 2 feet in front of my face, just standing there. I have no idea where she came from or for how long she’s been standing there. Scares the bejesus out of me constantly. Of course, when I don’t have these heart stopping run-ins with her, I always know where she’s been because she leaves a trail of every activity she’s done from one end of the house to the other.

MMeM86a

Oh, an Ibuprofen in the Tylenol? I’ll bet I can guess who was behind this!

She doesn’t leave huge messes mind you, but little traces that prove to me time and again that she will never be an actual cat-burglar at least not one that would ever get away with any actual thefts or mischief. They’d pick her up in about 15 minutes.

So, imagine my fear when I saw this commercial for this unholy wrinkle mask-blemish fixer-upper? YIKES. I’d definitely have a coronary if she ever got one of these for a birthday present or something.

MMeM, Vol.10 Issue 17 – Gift?

Am I missing the “Gist” here?

It’s nice to see that other people get snafued by SpellCheck sometimes too.

IMG_1567

Unless of course, “gist”, is something I’m not aware of with todays’s hipster kids. Am I missing the “Gist” here?

Is this like the “fist-bump”, “Twerking”, or something else?

Nah, just someone like me typing text for the graphic. I feel ya (<Hipster kids’ term right there!)

MMeM, Vol.10 Issue 7 – AsSeenOnTV

As Seen On TV

As Seen on TV sales pitches are so entertaining to me. I mean, we know that the sales techniques work for stuff that usually doesn’t. From the EggStractor to the pasta straining lid, they try so hard to show how HARD life is until using the product being sold. The pasta straining pot lid is my favorite commercial. They show a “Mom” struggling to drain a cafeteria sized galvanized bucket into her kitchen sink. Disaster ensues! BLAM! Oh my!

But, then again, I may have to put a new ridiculous product ad at the top of my mental list. The Xhose by DAP. This hose really “looks” great and of course, way too good to be true. However, for me the real surprise was in the commercial where guy sitting on his @$$ next to a seasoned older lady comments at how much easier it is for her to water things with this hose.

[KGVID width=”640″ height=”312″]http://midwesternmeditations.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Screencast-2.webm[/KGVID]

Easier for HER?

Really? I guess the video doesn’t show his broken legs or paralysis.