MMeM, Vol.11 Issue 50 – Woof!

Life with a Golden Retriever can be difficult, but I still can’t figure out who is harder to train. Is it the dog, or the humans that live among the dog? Seems that the dog has the humans all figured out pretty well.

Over the years, the dog has me on a first name basis with Comcast. I have lost track of the number of remote controls I’ve taken into that God forsaken place for replacement and after a certain point, they are no longer free, just an FYI for those NOT in the know.

We have one of those doggie doors for our sliding glass door. We have this for a couple of reasons. First reason for this is so that the ginormous Golden we own doesn’t shatter the double pane sliding glass door which would no doubt kill her. Second, we or I should say, I, would like to do more than get up ever 6 minutes to let or take the dog in or out as she sees fit. Sure the doggie door seems like the logical option.

However, I notice sometimes that there will be some very determined in and outs in quick succession. These always make my attention perk up, especially when I hear the thud of something landing on the deck outside. This thud is usually the sound of something that the hairy four-legged thief has procured for “outside time”. This all occurred the other day. When I did go to investigate, this was what I found.

First, the object of the “thud”…..mom’s shoe.

Yes, the mate to said shoe was in the yard next to a wash cloth from which bathroom I do not know.

The next issue, lately, is food. Short of putting any and all food back in the oven or microwave at all times we are forced to build little fortresses around prepared food as we have been burned far too many times thinking that the “center” of the counter island was protection enough.

It’s not like living in a zoo, it IS a ZOO and we are the failed Zoo-keepers.

Oh, I know. She looks so innocent! Yeah, she’s not. Not even remotely innocent. And, for the record, she can hear the sound of an American Cheese Slice Wrapper being peeled back at 100 yards minimum guaranteed.

She is a 4 legged, golden-haired, set of jaws. Period.