MMeM, Vol.11 Issue 25 – Mass Hysteria

Whether it’s climate change or global warming as it was once called, ISIS, sexual identity changes, escaped murderers or something else it’s enough to feel like we are facing the End of Days sometimes!

News Junkies and the Soundbite Informed among us are having a field-day with the sheer volume of stuff to worry about today. No, I’m not going to mention the list of crap to worry about again, but I am going to highlight perhaps the most disturbing and solid ground altering event of them all.

Condiment wars. What kind of world do we live in when mustard makers decide to become ketchup makers? First, Heinz, the iconic glass bottle of ketchup maker for more than 100 years decides to try its hand at MUSTARD? That aforementioned iconic glass bottle of ketchup’s label says “Since 1869” for God’s sake! I mean we’re talking since just after the CIVIL WAR!

Not to be outdone, French’s Mustard, says “Oh yeah? Well we can just go ahead and make KETCHUP too then!” Boom ROASTED. Moreover, French’s is no slouch when it comes to longevity either since their label reads, “Since 1904!”

And to think we thought that we’d seen it all when the 20th century’s most male athlete of all time, 1976 decathlon Gold Medalist Bruce Jenner is now Caitlyn Jenner.

What is going on people? If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my time on this Earth, it’s that you don’t have to like change, but you damn well better get used to it. Nothing stays the same anymore, NOTHING.

It reminds me of lines from the classic 1984 movie, “Ghostbusters” when they are all talking about the end of the world. Harold Ramis as Dr. Egon Spengler, RIP, and Dan Aykroyd as Dr. Ray Stantz, give very biblical and universe-altering descriptions of what is happening. Then, Bill Murray as Dr. Peter Venkman, chimes in with his less than scientific description of “…dogs and cats, living together…”

Dr. Peter Venkman: This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.
Mayor: What do you mean, “biblical”?
Dr Ray Stantz: What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath of God type stuff.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Exactly.
Dr Ray Stantz: Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling!
Dr. Egon Spengler: Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes…
Winston Zeddemore: The dead rising from the grave!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!
Mayor: All right, all right! I get the point!

Well that’s great, just great. I don’t get the point.