MMeM, Vol. 8 Issue 38 – Makes cents, I guess

Heard the other day that the Federal Government was looking into doing away with the $1 bill all together. No, not because it’s worth next to nothing anymore, I guess, but because it has finally dawned on someone that making heavily circulating paper money in very small denominations which have to be re-made ever few years is, well, not economically sound. I know, it’s a story that DRIPS of irony.

So now, the U.S. will be like just about every other country on EARTH that uses METAL coins for their lowest denomination of the equivalent of a U.S. Dollar, which yes, I know the joke here too, THERE IS NO EQUIVALENT ANYMORE, AT LEAST NOT CLOSE TO ONE LIKE THERE USED TO BE.

Well the biggest benefit from doing this as I can see is finally there is some real truth and meaning to one of the oldest sayings about money, “Cold Hard Cash”. Finally, that phrase will make sense, to someone. Actually I got a $1 coin in change back from a vending machine the other day. I thought it was an accident because I had accidentally hit “refund” for my dollars worth of coins submitted. Hmm. Seems that the vending machine union is all over the bill changing scammers trying to get COLD HARD CASH for their paper bills right from a vending machine. Well, if anyone can get a vending machine to take a dollar bill then by God, they deserve change with interest as far as I’m concerned.

We have ATMs that spit out 20’s and 10’s so fast you can’t even count them as they do it yet all be GD if anyone is going to pass a bad or a fake George Washington for some Skittles. No sir-ee! NOT on the vending industry’s watch.

Anyway, I guess losing the dollar bill for the dollar coin is acceptable. Gone will be the term “GreenBacks” and bundles of $1’s enclosed by a single $5 to look more rich than you are. But, what about strip clubs? Has no one though about the danger of dollar coins being flipped and thrown around a smoky poorly lit establishment? And you can’t but a- coin in a G-String! What is this world coming to? Wedding dollar dances? No-oooo-ooo! Now all of these time-tested leisure activities will have to be done with at least $5 bills or $1 coins to be stored in stripper bras bride veils fashioned into railroad travelers pouches on a stick! Man, talk about inflation!

Nickel-Stuffed bras and $5 dances with newlyweds… There is your fiscal cliff if anyone cares.