MMeM, Vol.8 Issue 31 – Real, liars.

Ok, I’ve actually fallen prey to one of these unholy traps before myself. But, NOT TODAY DAMMIT. Enough is enough! However, this merchant shall remain nameless so as to protect the very financially strapped blogger in this story.

Do you know how some sales tactics start and end with a sale today of a certain amount qualifies you for FREE SHIPPING? And, if you bite and you get right to the end of said transaction only to see a $14.99 shipping fee at the bottom of your more than qualifying order. So, you backtrack through the steps and click on one of the little blue ? marks only to find out that SURE it’s free shipping if you sign up for a FREE 2 week membership to Internet Dumbass Shoppers R’Us. Because, if you’re like me and you’ve actually done this, you end up getting charged oh, I don’t remember exactly something like $14.99 a month after the “free trial” period. Because let’e be clear, IF you remember to cancel in two weeks good luck figuring out the name or URL of the freaking place of Internet Dumbass Shoppers R’Us again or in time to cancel. Look, you’re not going to cancel it in time or without some mistake on your part that won’t end up with your at least paying for that initial “free” shitting err shipping I mean.

So, this time I said SCA-REW that and paid the ground shipping fee as I’m way before Christmas as it is. Hell, send it on the backs of Sherpas for all I care at this point. I ain’t joining some crackpot Internet money making scheme in a kickback kicking customer ass program with this retailer with the immense cabeza. Not. Gonna. Do. It. In fact just for trying that crappy false advertising I want to suggest a few new logos for YOU.

If I haven’t made this too obvious yet, just think the opposite of what my favorite comedic actor was saying in his classic movie “Tommy Boy” with the following exchange:

Kid in Bank: Hey, Mom! It’s the guy who robbed the bank. 
Tommy: I didn’t rob any bank. 
Kid in Bank: Oh, yeah, right. Like it was some other real fat guy with a tiny head. 
Tommy: I got a tiny head?