MMeM, Vol.11 Issue 45 – About that…

Look, when E.T. finally does get here, we’re going to have a lot of explaining to do. People have speculated for centuries about IF there is intelligent out there somewhere or not. Well, the statistics tell us that there more than likely is. And furthermore, it’s probably an even safer bet that they are going to find us, before we find them, given our progress thus far. We’ve made it to the moon and no aliens there.

The other day, Stephen Hawking wrote about how if there is intelligent life out there, “Such advanced aliens would perhaps become nomads, looking to conquer and colonize whatever planets they can reach,” Hawking speculated.

When the aliens, and I use that term to refer to extraterrestrials, do get here, we as a species are going to have an awful lot of explaining to do. I don’t even know where to begin. Do you? Oh sure, there’s the big obvious elephants in the room like, oh I don’t know, slavery having ended in one of the most influential countries less than 200 years ago, people around the globe still starve to death everyday, we are apparently burning up the very planet upon which we inhabit with no conceivable place to go, and the list goes on and on, etc.

And what’s more, it’s not like we can’t mention or answer for something we’ve done. Any species that reaches us first, is no doubt already going to have tapped into all of our digital records no matter how safe we think our passWoRds are! I’ve thought about this every time this topic comes up and one of the questions I have is this. Who among us is going to step forward and explain to E.T. why we ever had, and what the purpose was for the Pet Rock?

I mean honestly. How will we explain that? Oh sure we’ll try to kick some dirt to the side and shrug it off with an aw shucks, that was like 70 YEARS ago! And E.T. will be like, “That was this morning to us, we just travelled more trillion light years to get here. That’s further than we could ever even try to explain to you, you previous pet rock owners. They’ll have questions like, “So, these rocks they must have had some tremendous monetary or fuel source value that made them perfect for giving to children as “pets” which was just a metaphor for something akin to a savings bond as you call them?”

We’d have to reply, “No, not really, in fact if a rock didn’t get picked to be a pet rock it would just go on being, a rock, in the dirt.”

“Really?”

Later, after the meet and greet with more dignitaries and some lunch the aliens would be warming up their spacecraft. People would ask, “What, you’re leaving already?”

Look, that might be the best thing to have happen at that point. If the Pet Rock doesn’t impress any of them, then it’s probably best for all involved to just part ways in peace because who knows who our leaders on Earth might be at that point. Heck, one of them might invite the aliens to a screening of Independence Day for God’s sake! -Don’t laugh or roll your eyes at that yet, wait until November 2016 and then start watching the skies more fearful than you ever have.