n an earlier edition of Midwestern Meditations eMagazine, the email periodical you never asked for but always seem to get, we highlighted the plight of the state of Arkansas (Vol.2 Issue 9).
To recap, my brother moved to southeastern Arkansas to work at a wildlife refuge. This refuge has been brought to the forefront in recent years due to the supposed sighting of a previously long thought to be extinct, Ivory Billed Woodpecker.The possibility of a once thought to be extinct animal actually living in a national refuge could have immeasurable impacts on the area.
As was previously highlighted, this area of the state hasn’t yet felt the “Wal-Mart Boom” economically as other parts of the state. So, the Ivory Billed Woodpecker could mean increased tourism and federal funds with regard to the refuge. This is the kind of shot in the arm that this area has needed for decades. Now, people of the area can reap the benefits of a successful refuge management story.
Well, let’s check in on some of the progress in the area.
Here’s the first sighting about 30 miles from the refuge itself;
Admitedly, not the kind of progress I had anticipated but still, you have to love the entrepreneurship here. We’ve got a nice rendering of the Ivory Billed Woodpecker on a motel sign. Hey, that’s progress!
“Get Your Woodpecker Souvenirs HERE!” the sign reads! Well sure, why not? I’m sure local craftsmen and artisans have been hard at work creating one-of-a-kind collectibles and keepsakes for the bird watching tourists.
Then there’s another sign behind the first one.
Ok, it says, Woodpecker HAIRCUT $25. Wait, what???
So, there is such a thing as a woodpecker haircut AND it costs $25? What are you kidding me?
Oh forget it. I give up.
UPDATE!!! 02/11/2008 And, the hits just keep on coming.
k, here’s one for “the kids”.
…and here’s the explanation for the “non kids”.
If you’ve ever seen MTV Cribs, you know that famous wealthy sports and music figures love to show off their houses.
They take the cameras through every room in their huge extravagant home showing all the custom amenities. Every episode ends with a tour of the garage. And, every time there are 2-3 incredibly expensive vehicles being shown, i.e. Mercedes, Hummer, classics, etc. The host then explains what size rims they are “running on”.
This of course is a reference to the diameter of the chrome rims which are on the wheels of said expensive vehicles. In short, bigger is apparently much better.
Well, here’s one playa that either got tired of telling everyone what size rims he has on his low-riding truck, or he doesn’t even want people to have to be bothered by even asking.
“YO dawg! What you runnin’ that low-rider on? ….oh wait, I see. Twenties. Cool.”
For the record, “twenties” aren’t even that impressive. Even this “White & Nerdy” whitest white-guy knows that. Shaq be rollin’ on twenty-foh’s foo! BoyEEE.
ere at Midwestern Meditations eMagazine, the email periodical you never asked for but always seem to get, we recently did some introspection. Midwestern Meditations eMagazine, or MMeM, was born out of frustration. Frustration with the way that the middle section of this country is perceived by our coastal neighbors to either side of us. Yes, I’m talking about the redneck stereotype.
With that said, we here at MMeM set out to see if the stereotypes about midwesterners were correct or just a bunch of fallacies. For the purposes of this experiment, I, the editor of MMeM, will take a look at my life to see if I fit this stereotype. I’ll let the readers decide whether we here in “Fly Over Country” are really redneck hicks or not.
Ok, this one looks pretty stupid, I’ll give you that. But, it serves its purpose. It’s my cell phone hands-free system in my car. Can anyone say “Redneck Onstar”? Passengers do kind of find the wire hanging in front of their faces a bit annoying I guess.
Let me explain this one. How do you come to own a grill smaller than the propane tank it’s hooked up to? It’s a long story. I’ll save you from the details I guess.
At least I don’t have it set up like this:
So, this process is really starting to scare me. Or, do a lot of people have souvenir beer bottles that are still unopened, where the beer’s ‘Born on Date’ matches the date your kid was born? I’m sure they do, right? No? Just me?
Fine. Point proven. Redneck Hicks we may be after all.
(clears throat….and in my best Jeff Foxworthy voice)
“If you own a bottle of beer with the same ‘Born on Date’ as your kid…
…you might be a Redneck!”
PS, or Global Positioning System, has really changed our world. With a store bought, handheld device, even Cooter can pinpoint his exact location on this vast 3rd rock from the sun. Maps? Who needs stinkin’ maps? We have the ability to know our exact coordinates in terms of longitude and latitude at all times. Yeah, those are those things they talked about in 6th grade. Apparently, they really are used for something.
But anyway, I’m sure that GPS was behind this latest and stupifying waste of government tax dollars. You see this sign and you think, “Wow, I’m 1/4 of the way west around the world! Yep, the good ole ninetieth longitude.”
But, it got me thinking. When I’m coming the other way toward the 90th degree longitude line, aren’t I now 3/4 of the way EAST around the world?