MMeM, Vol.13 Issue 45 – All World Problems

You’re going to end up with both.

I remember reading a story about McDonald’s straws a while ago where fisherman were up in arms about changes to the striping colors on said straws. Apparently, when cut into 1-2″ lengths the slightly thicker, wider plastic straws from McDonald’s were being used to catch Spanish Mackerel with surprising success compared to other lures.

A CHANGE IN STRAWS LED TO PROBLEMS CATCHING FISH.
In a move that would have unforeseen, mackerel-related consequences, McDonald’s shifted their straw design in 1984 from a red-and-yellow color scheme to brown-and-yellow. The problem? Fishermen along the Gulf of Mexico had successfully used the original version to lure Spanish mackerel: Three lures could be made from a single sipper, and caught five times as many fish as any other lure. The new straws failed to attract any catches; McDonald’s dryly advised the distressed fishermen try Big Macs instead.”

That was a nice little story. This is not. Perhaps you’ve seen people at coffee shops are coming from them with drinks that have straws and they have placed their donut on top of the drink with the straw poking through? Yeah, I guess I’ve seen or heard of that too.

Well, as McDonald’s has continued its successful world domination, in Japan consumers there have combined these two “ideas” with whatever you can call this…

All of this McDonald’s straw craziness seems like 1st World Problems and idle mindlessness in the case of hamburger-strawing.

Then, there is the real world use of Spanish Mackerel fishing. I guess when you have SO MUCH of something, anything, even McDonald’s STRAWS, you’re going to end up with both.

MMeM, Vol.12 Issue 38 – Patent this, that?

…scratchy rough to the touch…

I don’t like to write in themes per se really. Case in point, yesterday I pointed out a new patent filed by Wal-mart for a self driving shopping cart. But, today I just couldn’t pass this one up either. I suppose, there is some greater environmental “save the Earth” effort behind this that will be told one day, but I’m waiting, for now.

Seems Apple, has filed a patent for ….wait for it…. a PAPER BAG. Yes, a paper bag. Ok, it has handles so I guess my snarky attitude is unfounded. It’s composed of “a high proportion of recycled material”. Furthermore, the handles will be “delightful” by being “formed entirely of paper fibre yarn knitted in an 8-stitch circular knit pattern”.

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Well, now we’re talking!

Look, I opt for the paper bags at grocery stores all the time and many times, those bags have handles! It’s a sacrifice that I’ve been willing to make from time to time. Paper bags are biodegradable in like days compared to plastic. Schlepping groceries around with course, scratchy, rough to-the-touch paper bags was one of my martyr-like contributions to society. OH the humanity!

A patent from Apple. And you’d have thought it was for some sort of phone or electronic thingy! Pffft. Whatevs.

The iBag 1. Just wait for all of the leaked pictures and rumors about the iBag 2.

MMeM, Vol.12 Issue 37 – Qualified to speak

…and solved NOW damMIT!

It wasn’t too long ago that Walgreens implemented shopping carts that were designed to eliminate their carts being stolen. Perhaps you’ve seen these nifty little creations. The basic idea is that if the cart rolls beyond a designated border of the store’s parking lot borders, then the wheels lock up. Pretty smart when you think about it. Aldi’s and other stores for years, have had the 6 foot tall metal bar sticking up out of their carts to deter theft and even the exit of the carts out of the stores in some cases.

But, there was a new patent recently that really takes the proverbial cake in my book. Now, I know it’s a real 1st World Problem and an unthinkable hardship to put a shopping cart into a designated cart corral after one has completed their shopping and unloading at their vehicle. What are we, animals? And then, to expect employees of retail establishments to come OUTSIDE and round-up all of the carts! Well, now we have GONE TOO FAR!

Sure, we’ve tried mechanization and robot assistance of the cart pushers, but even that has proven to be asking too much. Maybe, JUST maybe, asking human workers to go out in summer or winter weather in oxford shirts, ties, vests, slacks, and dress shoes is, oh how do you say, STUPID? Here’s a novel idea, how about stores allow the lowly cart collecting masses to dress in clothing that fits the job description of what they are ACTUALLY DOING? i.e., SWEATING?

But, NO. No, no, no, they are rolling out the next wonderful invention. Put aside cancer and heart disease. Collecting shopping carts needs to be solved and solved NOW dammit!

So, enter the recently submitted patent by Wal-mart for the self driving shopping cart. Wah-LAH!

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Note- Post submitted by a former grocery store cart pushing rounder-upper employee of the month! So, I feel as though I am qualified to speak on this topic. Thank you.

MMeM, Vol.12 Issue 35 – Read that?

These are first world problems

I have lamented in the past about how in today’s world, no one really knows how to spell anymore. Nor, does anyone really write with a pen or a pencil either. These are first world problems to be sure. What with computers and spell check, why would anyone really waste any time with such tasks? Of course, you’ll see the more than occasional misplaced word appearing out of context due to the limitations of said spell checking programs.

Much in this same vein of no one really handwriting or knowing how to spell anything anymore, NO ONE re-reads anything. Proof reading is apparently the first job to be eliminated in cost cutting efforts. Everyone and every department in a company is all too caught up in getting the technical aspects of systems ironed out. Subsequently, no one takes time to review the final product or production which is being churned out for every customer, or in this case, patient that is being served.

This example is for a 70-year-old patient who shall remain anonymous as will the provider and insurance company.

The procedure was a surgery which required general anesthesia.

Here’s a look at the patient’s/customer’s bill afterward:

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Anesthesia Service, FOR EXTREME AGE

Wait, what?

Ok, look, I’m sure that a patient at age 70 requires a different protocol than a 35-year-old patient.

And even if, the verbiage in the haute-tauty anesthesia world calls for EXTREME AGE, do ya think ya might ask someone in the billing department to “pretty it up” a bit before throwing it out to the unwashed masses?

Oy vey!

MMeM, Vol. 9 Issue 86 – 1st World Problems

Talk about First World problems!

I can honestly say that I have absolutely seen it all now.

There are two of these contraptions in the cafeteria at work.

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As if plastic utensils weren’t enough, now we have plastic utensil dispensers! What the….?

Talk about First World problems!