he fist bump. It may be the single greatest thing that one Donald Trump has actually helped to popularize in the world of high-profile business. See its said that “The Donald” prefers the fist bump over hand shakes due to being a bit of a germaphobe. I get that. And to be quite honest, he has good reason to feel that way. In my experience of working in corporate America I can attest to the fact that men DO NOT wash their hands 1/3 as often as everyone assumes that they do.
It just doesn’t happen. No, it doesn’t much matter whether it’s a #1 or a #2 transaction it just ain’t gettin’ done. Look, I’m no angel but I believe that doing the right things is a matter of creating good habits. It’s a conscious decision to start one but if you stick with it long enough, I don’t know a couple of weeks or so, it’ll be with you for life. It’s just that simple. I broke in my hand washing good habit back in Junior High or so and it’s been with me ever since. No, I’ve never sung Happy Birthday in my head to make sure I’m doing it long enough of something I just damn well do it. I like to think it’s one of the reasons I don’t get sick that often. If so, it’s one of few things I do right.
But back to the fist bump. The Donald’s and many others’ contention is that if you just bump knuckles with others you aren’t enclosing the moist centers of hands with other people who may not have broken in their “good habits”. From what I have noticed in male corporate bathrooms over the years, this is very good practice on these germophobes’ parts. If women or MEN for that matter had any idea just how many crotches and penises they actually shake hands with throughout the day they would be appalled. In fact, it would spark a National Fist Bumping MONTH for God’s sake guaranteed. And the Wonder Twins were WAY ahead of their time!
I can’t tell you how many times I haven’t even been watching for washing and yet it happens like that Seinfeld episode with Poppy the chef. All of a sudden I find myself standing at the sink with a look of REAL shock and awe on my face after some #2 depositor has just left the room. It’s alarming sometimes.
I think most guys figure that until they get actual urine or actual feces on their hand it’s A-OK in their book. Look, I don’t know about the rest of you but I consider my whole crotcheral region a Federal SuperFund clean-up area.
The Fist Bump or “Knuckles” as it’s sometimes referred to, does have some guidelines. So, you can’t just start making fists all willy-nilly lest you want to start some bare-knuckle brawling at work sometime.