MMeM, S16E3 – WYA

If there is one thing this current “Shelter In Place” order for the State of Illinois has highlighted, it’s everyone’s fear of running out of toilet paper. It’s been more than a week that stores have been out of TP and the order just went into effect 24 hours ago. This is insane! Talk about CYA or I guess in this case it’s more like WYA.

Anyway, I just wish people would calm down a bit. We’ll get through this COVID-19 pandemic eventually. And please, stop comparing our number of infections directly with those of Italy’s by days of the infection entering the country. Those are apples to oranges comparisons. The United States is more than 4X the size of Italy and we don’t kiss each other on both sides of the face when meeting one another. But I digress, we along with the Italians will get through this. Yes, it’s scary and no, we’ve never been through anything like this, but we’ve all watched movies about it right?

Prepared we’re not. But we should have been, I agree. Proper hand-washing, social distancing, and sheltering in place are how I live my life, but hey that’s me. It’s like that episode of Seinfeld with Poppi, the chef, in the bathroom. Look, here’s the deal, we’ve all been in Men’s Rooms. If the world really knew the number of people later essentially shaking penises everyday… Heck, it’s a miracle this pandemic hasn’t happened a dozen times already.

Now, take a moment to reminisce back to a time when, as a teenager, you may have purchased, and wasted, tons of toilet paper while participating in that most idiotic of American traditions. Remember “TP-ing”? TPing houses, schools, cars, trees or anything in any kind of weather for any particular reason you could drum up good or bad. Sure, days, months and even years later that felt pretty stupid and silly. But, how about now? Now, if you could only have back one of those rolls you so heroically thrusted into the night sky night sky like a white roman candle over your principal’s house at 12:30am on Sunday morning. If only!

And, for all the reasons you’ve wished and dreamed for time machines. Bet you never thought Toilet Paper would be one of those reasons.