ateline, Friday, February 12th 2016, Walgreens Springfield, IL.
The following is a true story. This is a description of a desperate situation and one that somehow I have managed to find myself in nearly every year. See, annually on or around February 13th, I find myself in a retail establishment with several other dumb-faced male shoppers staring at shelves of depleted, picked-through, mis-matched Valentine’s Day greeting cards. It’s every bit as horrific as it sounds and downright pathetic.
There is a general sense of doom and failure mutually shared amongst all of the men in the 2-3 aisles of the store subjected to our last-minute scavenging. Some of us are so dumb-faced and awestruck with panic, that we grasp at each possible card even if it’s a Spanish language version. Heck, maybe we’ll claim we were going for humor this time. I’ve even given Congratulations on the birth of your new baby cards before in lieu of a Valentine’s Day card to appear as an honest attempt as humor. It’s even worked sometimes.
There are about 7 of us poor saps combing over the remains of a once well-organized and stocked greeting card display section. Suddenly, an 8th figure enters the fray of the main card aisle and we all know this because not only is he on his cell phone, but he’s on his cell phone while ON SPEAKER TO HIS WIFE. We all know this not because we see him, but because WE HEAR EVERYTHING HE AND HIS WIFE SAY TO EACH OTHER AS THEY DISCUSS IN DETAIL THE KIND OF CARD SHE WANTS HIM TO GET HER.
This idiot, did this for about 7 minutes and I’m being conservative with that estimate. He acted like he was completely alone as he meandered and maneuvered among all of the rest of us human males reading cards TO OURSELVES IN OUR HEADS WITHOUT OUR WIVES! I was in a state of shock. I looked around at the other dumb-faces as if to say, “is this dolt really doing this right now?”
I mean if there are people today who actually are so callous as to act like the world really is their own personal playground and the rest of us are not really there then I just don’t even know what to say or do sometimes. UGH.
All I know is that it made my card shopping go a lot quicker, so for that I thank the self-centered jackass, I guess.