There is a phenomenon that occurs more often than one might think. It happens when you see a local merchant advertising something on their store front sign. We've all received the chain emails showing the ridiculous rants posted by that one church or the "witty" / "unwitty" sayings of a local business.

But, nothing prepares you for some of these sightings. It should be noted that the editors of Midwestern Meditations eMagazine recently anointed the greatest local business store front message of all time in MMeM, Vol. 4 Issue 9 - Priceless. But, we digress.

There are poor choices of words, and there there is this. Recently, not 1/8 mile from the landmark that produced MMeM, Vol. 4 Issue 9, the following message appeared at the local steakhouse:


Did you really go there? We're on sexual cliche overload up in here. In fact, the cliches are actually fighting with each other.

"And let's go to the replay, 'Famous Wayne's World quotes wrestle Superbad's snarky and sexually suggestive hand motions to the ground. But wait, here comes American Pie's sexually frustrated foreign exchange student...'

These eMagazine issues are supposed to be somewhat of a literary challenge. There should be archaic analogies and never ending sub-references leading to a clever twist. In the end, they are meant to spark thought and contemplation, i.e. "Meditations".

However, sometimes we have to pick the low hanging fruit in order to clear our discriminating view.

Acouple of months ago I was walking through Baltimore/Washington International Airport on business. My flight had just landed and I was feeling a bit hungry but nothing in the terminal looked affordable or even tempting.

However, as I turned the corner from one airline terminal to another I experienced what can only be described as a modern day miracle. There, against a wall all by itself was a lone vending machine. Yeah, that's right, a vending machine. You may recall my disdain for some vending companies with their aloof advertising..."Fresh To You!"

Well I knew right then and there that I had to eat my words from that previous rant / posting about vending machines. Words cannot adequately explain what I saw. So, I took out my camera and stopped in the middle of everyone's way to take a picture of the now legendary machine.

Behold! The FRESH GRILLED HOT DOG & SAUSAGE VENDING MACHINE!

I'm pretty sure I heard angels singing and I can't really recall everything that happened after I took the picture. But I can tell you that it was delicious. Not only was I purchasing a delicious hot dog, but it came from a machine!

No longer did I have to feel obligated to make small talk with a hot dog vendor asking where I was coming from or where I was going.

No longer did I have to pretend to not see the vendor's disdain for me as they slopped together another hastily made hot dog.

No longer did I have to struggle with simple math while trying to calculate the right amount of change to hand over with my bills so that I got only bills back.

The machine didn't take extra change like that. It didn't care where I was from or where I was going. It didn't judge me for my poor addition and subtraction skills.

It reminds me of that fortune teller machine in the movie "Big" with Tom Hanks. In the end of that movie he goes back to being a kid after getting his wish to be "Big". Not me. I will never go back. I'll choose mechanically prepared food every chance I get.

I don't know, maybe I'll see another one someday, but I doubt it.

There is a great injustice that is going un-checked in American society today. It is gender discrimination and it's time that someone shined a light on this horrible miscarriage of justice and inequality.

I'm speaking of work dress codes. Specifically, no shorts for dudes. Total discrimination. Women can't wear shorts either...or can they?

It is amazing what passes as NON-shorts for women. Apparently, nothing is technically "shorts", so they can wear anything.

They can wear dresses of any length, mini, knee length, whatever.

They can wear skirts, long, short, mini...

They can wear gauchos.

They can now wear those new "bermuda"-type shorts.

If some of these things aren't shorts then I don't what is.

Think I'm crazy? Check this. ABC News reported that there is a movement a-foot. Men are trying to bring the kilt into the mainstream.

I say...BRING IT...on non-windy days.

But seriously, this may be the only hope for men to right this horrible injustice. Yeah, that's right, I'm gettin' on the kilt bandwagon. I'm starting a movement...dudes wearing skirts.

It's like the girl that plays football in high school. Whatya gonna do?

You could make the argument that they are using the backwards number "1" as a letter "T".

However, the sign then reads "NOW HIRING TO GRILL HELP".

Does that advertisement really pull in the applicants? Surely they are hiring people to help work the grill and not to actually grill, literally or otherwise.



Or, are they hiring "10 GRILL HELP"? That's a lot of grill help(s)...

Yeah, I'm at a loss.