Seriously, have you ever seen a more appropriate product? I mean, this is a scale, which is listed on Scientific American Magazine's website that looks like you are looking down the side of a building.

So, to learn your current body weight, you have to "take the plunge" and almost pretend that you are jumping off of a skyscraper.

I just don't know if I have ever seen a product capture the user's inner monologue any better than this one.

There are days I'd rather take the real plunge than step on a scale. Oi vey.

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How many of you have locked your keys in your car? Ok, seriously, I've done it tons of times. In fact, I looked through my check register a while back and over 3 years I wrote 5 checks to locksmiths for services rendered.

So, obviously, I thought I would "get ahead" of the game and be proactive! I went to the store and had multiple copies made of my car's key. I purchased a good "hide-a-key" magnet to put it up under my wheel well here...

Done, and...done.


So, the next time I lock my keys in my car, no worries!


Flash forward. We're at my daughter's softball game. "Dad, can I get my bat out of the trunk?" "But of course, here are the keys." Daughter comes back, bat in hand, no keys. Yes, they are locked in the trunk. Oh no!


But wait! To the handy hidden magnet key we go! Ah yes, redemption at last. I am a modern male. I "plan ahead". I am "industrious" and "thrifty". I will enter my car without the aid of some surly hungover tow truck driver who acts as if he's doing me a favor by getting paid $45 for 18 seconds of work.


Have key box, get key, go to door to unlock...wait! What the hell is this?


Since when did my key lock in the driver's side door disappear? You have got to be kidding me.

To the passenger side door!




DOH!


Ok, let's just get a hold of ourselves here. The trunk! I get in the trunk, retrieve the keys, and then use the key less remote entry! To the trunk!


SON OF UH...


So now my trunk lock is messed up too! It won't even go in (that's what she said) (thank you "The Office").


Well, another call to a locksmith and $35 dollars later, WA-laa! Unbelievable.


Locksmith leaves. I put my cherished and now completely worthless extra key back in my hide-a-key magnetic box. I think, "Should I even bother putting this worthless thing back under my car?"


Think I'll just leave it like this...



Maybe the would-be thieves who ruined both of my locks on my car can realize that they could have saved themselves, and me, a whole lot of trouble. Thieves, please, always remember to check for the hide-a-key first.


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Ok, has anyone else seen these Rozerem ads? Rozerem is a new sleep-aid medication which I'm sure works wonders. There have been non-stop ads on television for it lately. You know, "Your dreams miss you and they want you back". And, "Your resource for a good night's sleep".

Fine.

In case you didn't know, "IL Link" or "Illinois LINK" is a way of distributing food stamps via debit card.

Normally, I would stop right here having stated a fact and provided a picture. Heck, this picture practically wrote itself for a Midwestern Meditation.

Instead, this issue highlights this writer's own shortsightedness (again) and not just that of the establishment in said photo.

See, my state-health-field professional fiance told me about this sign and described it as follows: "Honey, on that road across from the store, there's a gas station advertising a sale on Crown Royal under a sign for the Illinois LINK card being accepted there..."

(Here is where I immediately took a wrong turn in the conversation.)

I suddenly broke in with, "Oh, sure I'll pick up a bottle or two."

Not correct.

As it turns out, that was not the intent of her statement. Rather, she was bringing to my attention an obvious conflict between government run social programs and the purveyors of spirits.

Woopsie-daisy!

Oh well, it won't be the last time I stick my foot in my mouth.

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If there is one thing I can't stand, it's having mailbox problems. I mean honestly, whether it's a rickety mailbox post or one that gets swiped, knocked over, or hit by a car, mailboxes aren't supposed to cause us trouble.

A mailbox is to do nothing but stand at attention, 24/7/365. It serves one purpose and one purpose only, to aid in the distribution of the U.S. mail. So, when someone has mailbox problems it's quite an annoyance.

First you have to devote seconds if not minutes out of your day to do something with your mailbox other than just open it up and take out the mail. You might have to "shore it" up by adding more concrete at the base. Or, if you live in a certain state, you may have to put more sand in the five gallon bucket holding the mailbox post up at the end of your drive.

Maybe, yours is one of those mailboxes held up by a post made from saw blades.

At any rate, when you have problems you may just have to rip out the contraption all together and start all over. When you replace a mailbox you have to decide, classic black sheet metal that says, "I'm a nostalgic American", or the new indestructible Rubbermaid-type one-piece that will still be able to perform its duties after a nuclear holocaust?

I know, it's a lot of information to process and think about. But, how, praytell do you ever come up with this setup?

I mean forget nuclear holocausts, this thing could withstand an M-1 tank for goodness sake. I'm no oracle, but something tells me this guy has had some mailbox troubles in the past.

I'm not sure, just sayin'.

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