MMeM, Vol. 14 Issue 2 – Flat Earth?

HOW is this possible ?

What is the reason or purpose of the Flat Earth Society way of thinking anyway? I mean seriously, what is the end goal here? Are Flat Earthers saying that the Earth is flat and there has been a more than 500 year conspiracy going on to hide this fact? If so, why? What would be the benefit to keep this a secret from, anyone? Why would all governments make sure that all high altitude pilots, astronauts, people with telescopes, and humans with IQ’s higher than 80 keep this a secret?

Usually, there is some hidden agenda by a secret power-playing-organization to control such a huge secret for hundreds of years. But with this one, I’m coming up with nothin’. No reason.

So, who are the Flat Earthers? Well, apparently they are largely composed of “Millennials”. I’m sorry, but recent surveys reveal it. I know it’s a shock to me too. I mean, the same generation that has brought forth the “The Cinnamon Challenge”, the “Tide Pod Challenge”, and most recently the “Condom Snorting Challenge”. Yeah the results surprised me too. I just don’t know what to say other than always being connected to an infinite amount of information is simply dangerous. While we first thought this was a recipe for extreme intelligence, it has instead proven to produce expansive vacuums of empty craniums (craniums, niums, iums(echo))) .

YouGov.com asked the question of 8,215 US adults on Feb 6, 2018. Results are weighted to be representative of the US population.

In short, “Just 66% of millennials firmly believe that the earth is round”. How, is this possible?

MMeM, Vol. 14 Issue 1 – Real People, Not Actors

REAL PEOPLE, NOT ACTORS?

D

uring my involuntary vacation this past Fall, I watched the Olympics and other programming during the hours, days, weeks, and months of mining for employment. Over and over again, I saw commercials. The same mundane commercials. One set of them was exceedingly ridiculous time and time again. You’ve seen them. Trust me, you have and you still are.

It’s a car company bragging about their customer satisfaction survey results conducted by J.D. Power & Associates. Now, a word about J.D. Power & Associates. Here’s the deal. If you worked for J.D. Power as an environmental engineer, i.e. a Janitor, your resume automatically jumps up among the thousands tearing through auto fed computer scanners. It’s just the way things are. People are lazy, we know this.

Anyway, this car company has decided that they can’t just communicate their results because, well, they take the buyers of their automobiles for, oh I don’t know, “Not bright?” So, they have ad agencies dream up the most ridiculous commercials on Earth evAr. For example, there’s the one where a group of “REAL PEOPLE, NOT ACTORS” are walking around an SUV commenting about it when all of a sudden a door opens up and OH MY GOSH, there are members of their family inside! It’s like a miracle has happened! These REAL PEOPLE, NOT ACTORS are acting like they are seeing long-lost relatives who they thought were dead or something! Who knows, maybe that was the case based on their reactions I guess?

My most hated one is where they have a table set up on a 6 lane interstate in the middle of rush hour. The host of the group is talking to them about traffic and vehicle safety and then reaches under the stupid card table and pulls out a J.D. Power & Associates award! Oh MY GOSH! HOW EXHILARATING while you’re sitting at a table in the middle of a busy interstate like a bunch of dopes. But these REAL PEOPLE, NOT ACTORS act so thrilled and amazed to see this award, at this moment!

Look at this woman’s reaction!

Are you kidding me? Now, had the guy pulled out a leprechaun sitting on a pot of gold, maybe, but a customer satisfaction survey? No, not buying it.

MMeM, Vol. 13 Issue 47 – Thank you drone!

Again, I can’t say it enough,

So I’m not sure who to thank for this laugh, the person in the clip or the person(s) who posted it to YouTube.

Dateline: Western France during a castle tour. Thankfully, someone in the tourist group decided to bring a drone equiped with a camera. While touring the grounds of this particular chateau, the visitors found themselves posing for the drone that was flying around. Some chose to make funny faces and really ham it up for the camera.

Again, I can’t say it enough, thank you for all of the above.

MMeM, Vol.13 Issue 46 – Powerball was NOT 8

…relieved to HAVE NOT WON the LOTTERY!

Look, I don’t usually play lotteries as a rule. Every now and then, I’ll get sucked into the madness like everyone else. Take the MegaMillions and Powerball jackpots that are currently running at $393 and $356 million respectively. Just like the time last year when one of them got north of ONE BILLION I dropped a couple of dollars on a ticket or two.

I look at lottery like this, IF I am to buy tickets, don’t stand behind me because I am due. However with all of the reasons making that way of thinking legit to me, comes much of the anxiety that led me to the very reason for that belief.

To wit, the night of the last Powerball drawing that caused another rollover I had a MAJOR mental malfunction. I had both of my recent single MegaMillions and Powerball tickets in the visor of my truck. I was driving with the windows down trying to save money by not using the A/C and sucking down more gas. All of a sudden, a ticket whips past my face from out of the visor and out the window!

I quickly check the remaining ticket hoping it was the MegaMillions which had rolled over the day before. NO! It was the Powerball ticket! To make matters worse, all I could remember about this quick-pick ticket was that the Powerball was 8. I don’t consider myself to have a “lucky” number, rather 8 is my “favorite” number. What are the chances? What do I do? The drawing is at 10pm CDT tonight!

I didn’t turn around and look for the ticket in the road or roadside, but I debated doing so for about 15 miles. Rather, I worried with a sick feeling thinking about what to do if

  1.  the Powerball was an 8 tonight
  2.  the winning ticket was sold in IL

It was a long, sickening, hard, and harrowing night. Never, have I been so relieved to HAVE NOT WON the multi-state $300+ million lottery!

This is my world. My reality. My life.

MMeM, Vol.13 Issue 45 – All World Problems

You’re going to end up with both.

I remember reading a story about McDonald’s straws a while ago where fisherman were up in arms about changes to the striping colors on said straws. Apparently, when cut into 1-2″ lengths the slightly thicker, wider plastic straws from McDonald’s were being used to catch Spanish Mackerel with surprising success compared to other lures.

A CHANGE IN STRAWS LED TO PROBLEMS CATCHING FISH.
In a move that would have unforeseen, mackerel-related consequences, McDonald’s shifted their straw design in 1984 from a red-and-yellow color scheme to brown-and-yellow. The problem? Fishermen along the Gulf of Mexico had successfully used the original version to lure Spanish mackerel: Three lures could be made from a single sipper, and caught five times as many fish as any other lure. The new straws failed to attract any catches; McDonald’s dryly advised the distressed fishermen try Big Macs instead.”

That was a nice little story. This is not. Perhaps you’ve seen people at coffee shops are coming from them with drinks that have straws and they have placed their donut on top of the drink with the straw poking through? Yeah, I guess I’ve seen or heard of that too.

Well, as McDonald’s has continued its successful world domination, in Japan consumers there have combined these two “ideas” with whatever you can call this…

All of this McDonald’s straw craziness seems like 1st World Problems and idle mindlessness in the case of hamburger-strawing.

Then, there is the real world use of Spanish Mackerel fishing. I guess when you have SO MUCH of something, anything, even McDonald’s STRAWS, you’re going to end up with both.