am really old. I know this and I don’t try to deny it, ever. I will also freely admit that I act 15-20 years younger than my age, and that’s being very conservative. But, lately I’ve noticed that I am, in fact, rapidly becoming….my father..’S ROLE in the 2nd Act of the Play called LIFE.
There, I almost said it and well, I’ve said enough. But it’s like this, I was driving on the interstate with my 18 year old daughter, today in fact, when for some unknown reason I felt the uncontrollable need to start bellyaching about other drivers and how damn fast they felt they needed to drive. Oh, I didn’t stop there. No, I went into a complete dissertation about how the speed limit had recently been raised to 70 mph in IL and ever since then everyone felt the need to drive 80+ for some reason.
I went on and on about “if we’re going to raise the speed limit people are just going to break the new speed limit and go even faster to be even more dangerous”! I then did a small rant about why my own truck’s speedometer even showed a range topping out at 140 mph! “Why would anyone ever need to go that fast? It would NEVER be legal, unless I was driving a woman about to give birth to a hospital, it’s completely UNNECESSARY!”
The next realization I had about my ageism was only in my head, thankfully. Has anyone else seen the Cottonelle commercial talking about after using this toilet tissue people, (showing women) being able to GO COMMANDO?
See, when I was growing up it was racy when Mr. Whipple talked about not “Squeezing the Charmin!” For the love of!
This, this is why whack jobs like ISIS, Boko Haram, al-Qaeda, Al-Shabaab, and the Taliban don’t like us much. They can’t control us, heck we can’t even keep up with our own ridiculousness!
No, I’m just getting old man. Kids these days….hey, wait a …..YOU, GET OFF OF MY LAWN….dammit! And pull up your pants! Especially if you ARE “going commando”!