Have you seen the commercials for Nutella or am I just imagining this horrid looking "spread"?   I may hear from some people who have actually consumed this product and claim to like it (-liars).  Because, I do know some visually impaired people.

Seriously, is this a joke?  Have networks been duped into some April Fool's type joke where they are running old Saturday Night Live commercial spoofs?

Not sure where to even start with this one. It's kind of like shooting fish in a barrel.

• If ever there was a reason to use food coloring, this is it.
• Dear makers of Nutella; If you ARE using food coloring, you're doing it wrong.
• Talk about having to eat a "$#!+ Sandwich".
• I've heard that the best napkins to use when eating this "stuff" are made by Pampers.

When I was kid, we would sometimes have creamed chipped beef on toast for dinner. My dad always called it "$#!+ on a Shingle". I believe he came upon this terminology from his days in the army, but in any case I really think he just liked saying "$#!+ on a Shingle". If ever there was a food stuff deserving of that name, this is it.

I love how the makers of Nutella take special care to designate it as "The ORIGINAL Hazelnut Spread". Because, as we all know, there have been countless imitators of this enticing fare!

Even if this stuff cured cancer, I still wouldn't eat it.

By the way, here's a fun fact. If you search for "$#!+ Sandwich", it is listed on Wikipedia as being "Redirected from Crap Sandwich".  Glad we've got that straightened out.


Midwestern Meditations is now mobile friendly. Visit us on your mobile phone today!

People don't like to talk about it much, but discrimination of musical instruments is still alive and well in this country. For millions of us that played in the school band while growing up, musical instrument discrimination was an awful reality.

Myself, I chose, err...was talked into and it was then strongly suggested that I play the trombone. The trombone. Need I say more? The trombone is like in the top 5 of most fail safe birth control methods via musical instrument.

Of course, there were two LUCKY souls; whose paths in life would forever be charmed and lined with gilded fairy dust. These two were assigned the drums and the guitar. The chosen ones. Sure, there may have been a guy who weaselled his way into playing the electric bass, but everyone knew the guitar player ran the show. He was the veritable "Fonz" of the school band. And the drummer? Forgettaboutit. If the attention these 2-3 pubescent high school Casanovas got wasn't enough, there was always the garage band that they were sure to form sometime around Junior year. See, not a lot of local bands come knocking on your door when you're rockin' the trombone.

The woodwinds, the brass, the tympani kettle drum guy who moonlighted on the triangle, all of us were non-hip band people and we knew it. We knew it then and we know it now. In fact, I guarantee that the creators of Rock Band and Guitar Hero played the French Horn and the Oboe respectively in high school. What?  Are you still waiting for Baritone Hero?  Well keep on waiting.

But, we did have one possible savior from our realm of huddled nerd-dom. Tenor Sax. Tenor Sax had potential.   With some extra practice and a pair of wayfarers, Tenor Sax was eligible for local garage band appearances. Not actual membership mind you, but the 1-2 songs a set type special guest guy.

Where's my proof? I seem to recall Bill Clinton doing PRETTY well.

This is one reason why I laugh and not cry at this latest attempt at musical instrument discrimination. The guitar bullies (MMeM Vol. 4 Issue 9) are back at it again as apparently having their pick of all the girls wasn't satisfying enough.

This.Must.End.

Personalized license plates are all the rage.  People tell other drivers about themselves or what they are into by their personalized license plates.

Sometimes, people make questionable decisions when choosing a vanity or personalized license plate.

This, is one of the times.

1. Chipotle. Enough. No more freaking chipotle please. And besides, everyone pronounces it "chipolte" anyway.
2. Angus Beef. This is not new. It's been around as long as beef itself. You didn't invent this type of meat and you only recently decided to start selling it instead of the synthetic fat patties you've been dealing for decades.
3. 360. Quit adding 360 to the end of things. It's annoying, tiresome, and completely unoriginal.
4. Balloon boy. It's been a while since my last post, sorry, but this had to be addressed.
5. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. Bring back the caveman. Cavemen probably wrote this tag anyway.
6. Any scandal or investigation ending in "...gate". This. Must. End.
7. Verb forms of Twitter, i.e. Tweeted, Tweet, Twittered, Twattered, Twat?, etc.
8. Verb forms of Facebook, i.e. Facebook me! Do you Facebook? Just ask, "Are you on Facebook? Cause, I'm on Facebook."
9. Bailout. Nothing is getting bailed out except a rowboat taking on water. It's a huge shell game where one entity is allowed to continue existing by being absolved of its debt while another entity takes on said debt thus making them the next one needing a "bailout". Back to the rowboat taking on water...fix the leak. Fix something, anything.
10. The tribe has spoken.  Then the tribe should ZIP IT.
11. 3G.
12. 4G. Just where does the Pontiac G6 fit into all of this "G" crap?
13. Octomom. Again, I'm late to the party on this term but honestly, can't we do better as a society? "Octo"-mom. Seriously? What about referencing another "8 related" item like, oh I don't know, a STOP sign. A stop sign put in people's yards as if to say, STOP reproducing!
14. Buffalo.  We have added Buffalo flavor to everything.  There is nothing left.
15. Top kill. Static kill.
16. High Def / HD.  So now you're telling me there is such a thing as High Def paint?  Really?  Lowe's, Let's Name Something Together.
17. Extreme.  This word has lost all meaning and should be removed from the dictionary.  Not every activity or food can be extreme.  Should have been left back in the 90's.
18. iANYTHING. The next company or person to put a lower case "i" in front of a word to make it seem techy or new is in serious jeopardy of being an iLoser. Same goes for eANYTHING. Stop it.
19. Referring to a no hitter in baseball as a "no-no". Shut it. You sound like you're 3 years old.
20. Housewives of any American city or region. They're all bitchy and some of them aren't even wives.